Honesty Box

Is an application on Facebook. I always thought it was absurd to have an application that asks your long lost high school friends and detached college friends to tell you what they honestly think of you. In that respect, I have no respect for women having the honesty box. In relationships, however, the need is overwhelming. And this is to say, honesty on both sides.

Personally, I advertise myself as fillet mignon, when I know in my hearts of hearts that if he buys it, I will be low-grade hamburger meat. Which is just my crude way of saying that it is never cool to trap folks. Don't say you're looking for a friends with benefits relationship when you're secretly planning your nuptials in your head.

It never ends well.

Brief anecdote: 2 weeks ago, Kappa Guy text me asking me of my plans for the night at about 6pm. I told him I was going to a mutual friend's bbq. He informed me he already had plans but wanted to know if later on he could hang out by me. Against my better judgment, I went all passive aggressive and told him "maybe."

Last week, he text me saying he was offended I never fulfilled my maybe promise.

I told him point blank: I have no intention of sleeping with you.

He feigned offense again: Damn, why you gotta go there?

I said: I'm sorry. Just don't want to play games.

He said: Well, damn, that means I can't put moves on you. You're so irresistible.

There was no need for me to say anything else.

My favorite phrase comes from the movie Baby Mama: I'm old enough to know how these things go.

Last night, I saw my one night stand. I will call him Dame Dash, solely on the strength of him having that grown man belly that 90% of men of a certain age bracket have.

He began to take pictures of me. Nothing too risque. I was wearing a very tight and short black dress on.
I got shy all of a sudden. We started watching a movie and that quickly deteriorated when he asked if he could tie me up and I complied.

The look on his face - ahh if it could be bottled up and sold as pure joy and surprise - I would be rich.

He just moved his bed in and hand the rope from when he tied it to his car in hand before I could rethink my decision.

He tied my hands above my head and my legs apart. He smiled such a huge Koolaid grin, it was impossible to not to play the part. I struggled against him as he hovered over me kissing/licking/sucking me all over.

He mounted me and punished me for being so bad.

It was fun, to say the least, being all tied up - feeling vulnerable.

I asked him ever so sweetly to untie me so we can go doggy-style. After he did, we play fought for a little bit. I'm violent (what can I say?). He spanked me as he drove into me from the back before he couldn't hold it in and came.

We both settled down and I turned off the tv. I just wanted to be silent with him. He was fidgety. We spooned. He hugged me close. We were both restless.

"You're just a big ball of energy," he commented.

"When women cum, they get energy while men just want to drop off to sleep," I reasoned.

"Not all women. Just you."

"I guess," I said as I straddled him and slapped him.

"You want to fight lil mama?"

I nodded.

He flipped me over and held me.

"I can't believe I'm so comfortable with you. I like holding you. You're big but you're not fat. You're tight. I like that." I smiled as he nuzzled his nose in my neck.

He fondled me. I love your body. I felt that all-too familiar poke in my back that let me know he wasn't lying.

He lay on his back but he was standing straight up. I straddled him. He moaned, grabbing at my breasts. I worked him as hard as I could. I hopped off (lol) and lay on my side. We ended up a sweaty heap. He place his head on my stomach, the rest of his body between my legs. I played with his dreads. He kissed my stomach, licked inside my belly button, and rubbed it.

"This is called belly worship. Anyone ever do this to you?"

"No."

"I love your stomach. It goes for my love of pregnant women."

"Gee thanks."

"No, not like that. You just have curves."

We laid like that for over an hour. I almost fell asleep when he got up.

"I'm too old to fall asleep like that."

He complained of his back. I gave him a massage. He moaned, laying still, completely relaxed. He turned over and I ran my fingers up and down his torso. He said I found a new errogenous zone.

And then...out of nowhere...

Honesty Box

"What are you trying to do to me?"

"Hunh?" he could've slapped me.

"Are you trying to give me the good shit so I will marry you?"

I laughed, hoping he was really joking.

"Nope. No offense, but umm..I don't want to marry you." (The reasons were almost too many to name.)

"Good, because I don't love these hoes."

"Hmmm.."

"Not saying you're a ho. But...I only loved 2 women in my life. My ex-wife, I still love her but she's crazy. I offered to get back with her in January, but she spazzed out. I quickly changed my mind. Other than her and the other one, I don't love these hoes. So, I'm not trying to get married. I'm not looking for anything serious. I just don't want to be hurt again. Don't hurt me."

I was flabbergasted. I said nothing.
I didn't mind the innuendo of being called a whore. Indeed, my behavior warranted that and I'm really not fazed by it. The other stuff..wow.
He let me know that no matter what. I will not be let in and you know? That is fine.

Above all, I know where I stand.

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