Tuesday, September 2, 2008


So...the West Indian Parade came to Brooklyn and I spent it avoiding the crowds as much as possible. However a friend of mine lured me out the house with the promise of rum punch and laughter. I waxed poetic and decided to take flicks for you kids.

I wanted to show how we fuck up our own shit by throwing ridiculous amounts of garbage around.

Gi braved it all the way from the Boogie Down to chill with us.

After asking vendor after vendor for the Bermudian flag to no avail, I decided to be Jafaican and speak with an almost-believable accent.

We got to Billy's house and he greeted us with rum punches and Papa John's.

Billy, of course, is gay. His friends, true to form, are ridiculously cute.

There was one in particular, who was trying to get with BOTH me and Gi.

Oh lawd. My heart rate starts pumping thinking about him. Firstly, his skin is gorgeous. Lips are juicy....His smile is beautiful and his eyes are a grayish brown. I told him I didn't believe they were his and I poked him in the right eye.

He just laughed.

We were oddly familiar with each other for strangers who just met.

Funny, he's friends with Billy, who's gay and he's at home with a house full of gays. Hmmmm...

He said he's bisexual. He was sitting across from Gina who and next to the small as grown man who is a foot shorter than me and less than half my body weight. He's TINY and I'm 5ft tall. He had the nerve to say he was bisexual, too.

Dude! Firstly, he was my complexion with blue contacts. Not to mention, color contacts look a fool on ANY0NE. If you have a pair, throw them out AT ONCE!


But then, he offers to go to Gi's with the other guy...to make the night special.

I said, "My ass....my whole ass..."

That was bold.

As we were leaving, BisexualDude1 gave us a long lasting hug. It solidified in my mind....I need some "real" dudes in my life...but boy, if he didn't make a sista remember she was fine...

Now....I'm a thick girl. And...I know how to work my assets. And I believe in showing off the best parts of yourself. So, I have legs..breasts, and an ok waist. I didn't want to put myself out there too much. So, I kept it cute with a lil mini mini skirt and a cute shirt. The skirt is 14 inches long. Pull out your ruler and measure the length of your waist to your hips. The skirt just barely covered my ass.

But, it was Labor Day and I never wear scandalous shit and if chicks can walk around in bikinis with feathers and beads...eff it.

I heard so many catcalls...

Here are the best ones:

You wore that just for me.

You need a roommate (---errrp)

Ay, Empress, come 'ere tick gal

Girl, you look healthier than a motha---. I'd eat it up and beat it up all night.

The last one had me thinking......
And the first thought was...really? Let's go right now. Because not for nothing, the last 2 guys that said they could do all this shit to me...1 was so small, I wanted to cry and the other was done in 3 pumps....so spare me....

He just kept going on and on. I wasn't even mad, I laughed in his face.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


Young woman on a journey said...

It does sound like there was a lot going on. Since you do hang around a bunch of gay men, would you consider dating a bi-sexual man? just a thought. Sounds like you had a great weekend, besides all that resistance to paying rent.

Liz said...

OMG! I haven't been to the labor day parade up there in years...maybe like 4 or 5 years... and as a jamaican, i give you permission to fake as much as you want! official honorary jamaican! LOL! ok so the cat calls are funny... and "eeeerp" is hilarious. i think that is a ny/nj/philly thing.

and i 100% agree abou the colored contacts... absolutely unacceptable!

Chris said...

...wow. That's all I can really say.