Sunday, November 11, 2007

Every rose has its thorns....

My relationship with my mother is a prickly one at best.
If ya didn't know:
My biological mother passed away in May of 1989. My dad remarried in
September of '89. I was 3 yrs old. Since then, I've had mixed feelings
about her. She's the only mother I know but sometimes she makes me feel
like a stepchild and I make her feel like a stepmother.

This morning as she was taking me to the train station, we discussed
holiday plans. She's going to South Carolina, her birthplace for
Christmas. I might be working for Thanksgiving and my New Year's will
probably be a big party. She asked me why I never want to go to South
Carolina. Every time she brings it up, I usually deflect the question or
jus say I don't know. I'm 21 years old. I'm bold. I said because they
still call me your stepchild. She immediately became upset, calling it a
lie. "Who told you to say that?" she asked. "Why would I lie?" I asked,
calm as a cucumber.

As she dropped me off, she said, "Well they still call you a stepchild,
I've read in your diary many times you say I'm not your mother."

She sure knows how to make an exit.
But, we all knows she's right. Still, doesn't make it right though.
Maybe one day I will value family and I'll wish I had made more of an
effort to like these people. But, I won't let myself feel like a
I'm too old for that. Besides, every rose has its thorns. It may look
nice but every time I try to hold it, it sticks my finger...


TrinaBeingTrina said...

Eventhough you have referred to her IN YOUR DIARY as your step mother, the family should not be referring to you as her step child. First of all YOUR DIARY is your private thoughts. If you don't say it out loud but write it down where only you are supposed to see it then that's your perogative. But for them to say it out loud in your presence is wrong. Furthermore my biggest concern is your mother reading YOUR DIARY! I have a problem with that.

Nina said...

Hey Trina. Thank you for reading and your comments. You are right. Plus, I haven't had a diary since I was 14. I tried to explain to her that it was a child's ramblings. She doesn't understand. She also doesn't understand boundaries and privacy and because I moved out, she believes anything I left in my old room should be rumaged through and read. But I know my place, no matter what anyone says. I know she'll ask them and they'll deny deny deny...

neemie said...

i too have a stepmother, i feel your pain. she's been in my life for all of two years and expects me to refer to her as "mom." argh.

Jenny said...

why is she so boldly admitting that she read your diary? Arggghhh...
I never called my stepfather dad...even when he and I were close.