I do despise. The more I hang around niggas, the more I hate flies.
I'm still feeling some type of way about last night. I shouldn't. I know, but some things just get under your skin. I can't help but feel like shit about myself. It was a feeling that was a long time coming. For the 3 days before Thanksgiving, all I ate for dinner was chips n dip with oreos and Pepsi.
I was looking forward to spending some time with my mom on Thanksgiving because I just knew that things would be great. I knew that we would shoot the shit and laugh and talk and watch movies together and everything would be great.
I was disappointed.
I don't know what part of me clings to the fact that I need human contact or that I would be fulfilled by a relationship with a woman who only seeks my friendship when it is convenient for her.
It was all supposed to be better tonight. Afroman was supposed to come over. He was supposed to play Scrabble with me, then kiss me, hug me, caress me, fuck me, make love to me.
We'd been planning this since before he left upstate. He knew since last week. Tonight would be my night. I text him last night. Said I'd be home by 8:30. Gi and I decided to get an after-work drink. 8:30 turned to 9:30.
I text Afroman at 7:30. No response.
I called him at 8:25. Ditto.
I called him at 9:30. Same.
He text me at 10:30, saying he went to a basketball game with his family.
There are no other words to describe how I feel.