Its gonna be a long long way to happy

Afroman came this weekend because it was his older brother's birthday. We tried to meet up but it didn't work out that way. I don't know how I feel about that because once upon a time, I would've dropped everything to see him but I just wasn't that pressed.

I'm wondering....is this progress or is it me trying to feign progress?

With Afroman, it was always like he never tried hard enough. He never went out of his way for anything and masochist me (!!!) needed to prove my love for him even more by spending more time, overextending myself to ---- I don't even know.

The major slap in my face that made me quit was at Christmas when I asked him to spend the night and he said "he didn't feel like taking the train home.".

It wasn't a slap as in an insult but more of a wake-up call and I'm wide-eyed and bushy-tailed.

He e-mailed me yesterday admitting regret that we could not see each other and truthfully, I don't buy it. Maybe, he honestly couldn't leave his family to come and see me, but past transgressions kinda just refute anything he says.

Its been a little over a year since we broke up. How long does it take to get over someone you thought would be your Great Love? How long does it take to forget lips you thought would be the last ones you'd kiss? When do you stop reminiscing on the good times and how long before you can no longer feel the softness of their skin, the brown of their eyes, their caress, etc.

I suspect in a few more years when I'm in a happier situation and can reasonably look back, I'll scoff at my dramatization of the whole thing.

The wound is starting to form a scab if only I could stop picking at it.

Chasing the Big O + Growing Up is like Mold + Sunny Dispositions + Summer Fun in the Sun

Reading the archives of Young Woman on Journey had me really thinking about relationships, sex, life, etc.

Her blog about black women not wanting to masturbate struck me. Out of the group of 4: me, LP, Gi, and BFF...all of them but me own a sex toy. I had a tongue toy but I didn't like it, so I "own" one but it doesn't work technically and literally. My friends and I discuss everything...so yea, we talked about it and I don't like for a man to beat it up both when he's eating me out or during penetration. I like long slow licks and strong strokes. I'm no jack rabbit kind of girl. The best was Mr. Phil. Even though we never had sex, his oral was the best bar none.

And now, I have a confession to make: I've never had an orgasm that I didn't give myself. Then, it was clitoral and not vaginal.

I know. Sad.

But still, I loved sex and all but twice, I liked being with the men I've slept with.

While I'm writing this I'm like DAMN!

But I think I'm ready to get my shit together. I'm ready to buy a toy and just go...see what gets me going and find my "O."

I've been chasing it long enough.
»»»»
I feel like I'm going through some type of awakening. Each and every day I'm learning something more about myself and I'm loving it.

Is there a such thing as feeling yourself mature?

»»»»»

I'm determined to make this summer fun. I have planned and planned many outings in my head and can't wait for them to come to fruition.

I don't know how long I'll be friends with LP. She's really negative and I can't take it.

to be continued...

Morning...

So far this has been an interesting morning. I woke up sorta late not really knowing what I was going to wear. I had a dream I wore bright pink pants with a black blazer and camisole to work. Ironically I'm wearing a soft pink blouse with a wide black belt and knee-length skirt, black sandals and a gray/black/white snakeskin purse. I like pairing unexpected accessories with conventional outfits.

Anywho. While I was doing my makeup, I put on the wrong lotion and my right eye would not stop tearing. I don't know if it were a direct correlation but eek! Here's my beauty secret: Nivea creme. It moisturizes like mad but when I put on cocoa butter, my face sweats like mad, too. So my T-zone is pouring water and my right eye is tearing. I wiped my face with a wet washcloth but its still sweaty. I put some eyedrops in and there was an eyelash in there, literally on top of my pupil and my cornea was red.

So...its 10:04. I was supposed to leave at 9:45. I can't find my keys.

I look everywhere: under the bed, under laundry, I would've checked the Sun if I could. Where was it? Behind the couch cushion. I must've had it on the couch and it slid back there.

10:15am. Fuck.

I got to the bus stop as the bus was pulling up.

Put in my Metrocard.

$0.00 paid.

Shit.

I asked the driver if he would let me on anyway. He obliged. But that means I'm out of $6 unnecessarily. That's lunch money and things are tight.

Fine. I hope I can find the right card for tomorrow because I really don't need the extra expense.

So now...I'm on my way to work and I'm hoping that the rest of the day will just floooowwwww.

Shalom Bitches!

This promotion is running me ragged. I'm working 10 and 11 hour days and the work is never done. Yesterday, I was really irate because my "boss" does nothing and leaves everything to me, yet he takes the lead in meetings and had the nerve to say we need more action when it comes to problems that come up. In my head I'm like the key to having action is doing stuff. I'm once again in a situation where my partner is dead weight.

Its just frustrating.

I'm the type where if I lose respect for you, you know it. I'm at the point where I'm 1 step from losing all semblance of protocol and just disregarding him. The difficult part is that he's Israeli Jew, as all of the managers are. They all speak Hebrew and I know they would rather get rid of me than him. As shown with my old boss Aladdin who was Egyptian.

At this point, I guess I'm just trying to stick in there until my probation period is over so I can get a raise and hope its good because I know I will not be getting another one for a LONG time. Unlike Aladdin, I don't need this job for a freaking green card.

In other news, Afroman and I talked out our differences.

This damn Blackberry deleted all of my contacts, so I looked at my phone bill and started texting everyone "who is this." He happened to be one of those people and I got to vent out some of my frustrations. It seems to have been a miscommunication. Whatever.

I don't know how I feel about him to be honest. I'm just like ...eh... Maybe, I'm finally getting over him once and for all. He's coming home this weekend for his nephew's birthday. We'll see if I see him at all. I'm not going to try, honestly because I'm tired. I'm always the one initiating everything and if I really mean that much, he'll make the effort.

Stay tuned for that one....

Surprise! I'm not getting my tax refund. Why? Because I owed back taxes which I thought was being taken out of my check. Well...money was being taken out of my check but not being sent to the IRS and while I have a company account, he wasn't applying the money to that either. But, he closed my company account for non-payment.

Motherfucker.

As you can see, I must calm down before I can speak to him because I will curse him the fuck out and its not smart to fuck with the person who hands you a check biweekly. But, fuck! If I made a mistake like that, my ass would be in hot water!

I was so looking forward to that money.

As is the usual case, I've been rambling on during my commute in between wishing to get hit by a car.

Til later, loves....

Wishing On a Star...

now have a work blackberry and my own personal one and switching back and forth with the different buttons will be the death of me.

I'm sorry its been a while since I've posted. Here's what's on my mind....

Dude next to me smelled like Hennessey mixed with Brut. Like he doused himself in it. That shit is not cute. That smell was like IN my nostrils...yuck!

I saw this dude while I was on the platform that looked like a boy I liked a lot in high school.

I'm attracted to the gentle giant. You have to be big enough to man handle me. I'm no small fry. Yet, you must be smart and compassionate enough for me to be threatened by you. That's not the hotness.

Anywho! In high school, I went through a phase where I was very pro-black and I was drawn to men -err- boys who had some type of view of the world. He did: a strong view of it and it was intoxicating. I told u guys once before...the way to my heart and umm...panties...is to mind-fuck me first.

Yumm.

This dude got a season pass to visit anytime he wanted even though time, opportunity, and courage never allowed. So when I saw this dude, you might think that I wouldve been delighted...negative.

I wanted to slap him. Hard.

For while he had a lot to say about women and how they should act, he said nothing about him cheating on his girlfriend every chance he could get. OR of how the Creator would feel that he was stepping out on "his rib" to try and slide up in me for about 3 years while he was still with her and this came after she had a pregnancy scare (and yes..it was by him). I saw them together at an Afrikan Street Festival about 2 years ago. He acted as if he didn't quite remember me. A year later, I saw him again by himself. I'd permedrf my hair again. I'm back and forth with the natural look. He said that I should reclaim my glory and go back to being natural. While I looked great, I would be more beautiful natural and I ate it.

I was dumb. I really took to what he said. I put him on a pedestal and I have no idea why.

I'm glad that not all of our wishes are granted. I wanted him so bad once upon a time.....and why? To have him cheat on me and tell me how to wear my hair and eventually what to wear.


<<>>

Just Wake Up!!

My summer plans seem to be shaping up already. I'm going to South Carolina with the fam next month, almost begrudgingly. I'm going to Chicago for the July 4th weekend and I'm going to a wedding with Jake in August. Not to mention I've already committed to going to Six Flags, Splish Splash, and DC.

Its going to be so much fun.

I got rid of my sidekick and am now in the land of Blackberry Curve. For some reason, I can't mobile blog from it.....hmmmmm. So....I'm making due.

My promotion is working well...I guess. No one listens to me and when they do, its only to repeat what I say as if they thought of it. I'm leaving early to stay late and I'm working hard and dare I say it....I like it.

They want to give me a Blackberry for there and I'm not so thrilled about it. I like to leave work at work but......we'll see. Plus it means I'll be more accountable and who really wants that?

Lol

I spent the night with BFF(do u think I shouldve given her a name? Hmmm... I figured I have a lot of friends and it would be easier to have her as BFF). Anywho! Why the hell does she have this system in place:

She has to get up at 8am.

The alarm rings at 7:15.

She hits snooze.

It rings at 7:30.

She hits snooze.

It rings at 7:45.

She hits snooze again.

Wtf?

She said it eases her into waking up.

I'm like just get up.

She said its not that simple.

But now that I think of it...that's how her parents used to wake her up for school every morning when we were younger. In my household, I was afraid to not get up on the first call of my name. My mom was not to be toyed with.

Plus, that whole snooze shit wears me out. By the time it was 8am, I just wanted to sleep uninterrupted. What do you guys think? On a hard-pressed morning, I give myself a pep talk out of bed but I can't hit snooze. What's your morning routine?

She's Baaaaaaaaack!

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Smile

As I think of last night/this morning, among the many things that put a
smile on my face is 4 year old Justin. I was at a friend's house when he
caught my eye and smiled. I goaded him to sit on my lap and in 5 seconds
he was up again making funny noises and laughing at everything and
nothing.

He's a real heartbreaker.

I ran around with him, swirled him around, threw him in the air and took
Cheetos from his hand and ate them.

His mother asked as he was leaving, what's her name?

Girl.

That's not her name. Ask her.

What's your name? He asked me in broken child-speak.

Nina.

Ninja?

No. Nee-na.

Ninja?

Yes. Ninja.

Everyone laughed.

Do you want a son?

No, I'm good for now.

You'd be a great mother.

Thanks.
And so, because my potential is so great...Happy Mother's Day to me.

And Jenny...I mean Jane and Trina.

And to all those who've lost their mothers like myself. Can't you feel
them smiling down on us?

What's What

Me: That was the last time we will sleep together.

Blair: That is ur decision and I have no choice but to respect it

Me: Thank you

It is done.
***
3 weeks ago, I called Afroman. He picked up erroneously and I heard him
speaking to another person. "I don't talk to her. She calls me. I don't
call her."

I was sure I was mistaken.

I hit him up later that night.

I called you. Did you know?

Yes. I picked up and said I didn't feel like talking.

That's not what I heard.

What did u hear?

I told him.

He said he sounded far away because he had his phone set for bluetooth
and he couldn't find it, so he was yelling so I could hear him.

Immediately after he says that, he says he's going to sleep.

All this time, we haven't spoken, txt, e-mailed...nothing. We went from
daily communication to nothing. He mentioned a girl he was seeing. It
could be her. It could be the ex he's living with. Whomever it is. Even
if he's decided to not speak to me, the least I should've gotten is an
explanation.

To say I am deeply hurt is an understatement.

I will end this here.
Until tomorrow.

Baby's Breath

I'm in the middle of a mood swing.

I'm tired.

It's raining heavily.

Everyone wants attention. I'm spent.

I want sleep.

I want kisses.

I want tender caresses.

I want everyone but the one or 2 persons I want loving from to disappear
from the face of the Earth.

I am still learning about myself. Its like finding treasure: little
pieces of my personality springing up like flowers.

Today, I remembered how kind I can be and how accomodating I can be of
people. I will run to get Gi a smaller/bigger size dress while she is in
a fitting room. I will smile at strangers. I flirt with babies.

Today, I learned how much of a bitch I can be. I will look someone in
the face, have the speak to me and not answer. I will hang up on someone
who has outlived my patience. I will be stoic and rude because I don't
feel like being bothered.

I will not care who does/does not like me or what anyone thinks about me
if u are not someone of substance in my life.

When I don't give a shit, I don't give a shit.

I am awaiting the end of tumultuous work-week tomorrow. I am eating good
food tonight on my couch alone with fruit punch and creme brulle ice
cream.

And I am exhaling for the first time all day.

Interesting

I sat on the train trying to zone out. 2 things happened.

1. I saw a grown ass woman sucking her thumb rubbing her ear. Wtf? I was
looking at her super-bug eyed. Then she has the nerve to pull out a Zane
book. Trick, if you're grown enough to read Zane, you're grown enough to
not put your nasty ass finger in your mouth.

2. A priest came on the train. The guy sitting next to me didn't even
wait to the priest could sit down good before he asked him to pray for
him. He did. I moved. I thought it was awesome.

Priests weird me out. It has nothing to do with child molestation
either. Most people of "the cloth" weird me out. They all feel so
entitled. And to what?

Admiration.

Season passes to heaven.

I don't know.

They just make me really uncomfortable.

Another day of wearing heels to work and while I look "oh so sweet," I
don't think I can do this. I was on my feet literally ALL day. I am so
thankful that tomorrow is Friday and I can rest a little. I might wear
heels tomorrow anyway.

Call me a masochist.

I'm a foxy masochist...

Ignorant Shit + The Exit...(Revisited)

I'm trying to comment back on your wonderful input. Thanks for stopping
by and I'm trying to catch up on my reading. My boss is right next to me
now. Kinda difficult. Have patience, please.
***

And another thing....

If you are a "holy" man in full garb, how dare you ogle me!

I know my legs are nice and meaty (thanks hs track/soccer and colleger
rugby) and my hips sway (thanks 3 inch heels that I can wear all day)
but come on!

Also, don't think because you hear me click-clacking it down the street
at 10pm that I'm a walking target. I've run for buses, behind babies,
and from parents in heels. I'm a trained athlete when it comes to this
shit!

*snap*

Don't let NiNi (my ghetto-fab alter ego) kick in and whoop your ass then
kindly walk away like the shit never happened.

And another thang!
You know what...my thumbs hurt...I'm not even gonna finish that
thought....

Negroes, I swear!
***

Yes, I did check to see which window was Blair's (for future
brick-throwing references. His window faces the side of a building which
I would have to be on the roof of to throw it in his particular window.

*still thinks of logistics...just in case*

The Big Cheese + Ignorant Shit + The Exit...

Let's start this shit off with a bang.

Negroes everywhere. Let me be the one to tell you to get a fuckin iPod!
You can't afford one? You don't want to hear music on the train.

Why the hell these 2 dudes. They kinda looked alike both mere seats away
from each other playing ringtones with the phone next to their ears.

Thank God for my mp3 player because I would've said something if I had
to be subjected to the bullshit.

Sheesh!

To make it worse, they were playing 2 different songs.

*shakes head*

***
Today was the big transition into the new job description.

Can I get a yay!

Yayy!

It was great. At first, I felt a little uneasy because a lot of people
have faith in me and fought for me to have this.

MoBetta was a little salty, but he managed a believable "congrats." I
guess as believable as mine was on Friday.

*chuckles*

I'm doing good so far. My big task is to find prices and drivers for 200
different cities and input them in the system.

fun.

My boss knows nothing but I guess its cool because I get to do what I
want with little question from him. He still questions me but I have
solid answers because I know what I'm doing.

I feel so ADULT.

*squeals*

***

Blair and I slept together last night.

For the last time.

He was very selfish and self-absorbed, which was very different from the
initial picture of himself he painted for me.

I asked him about his day. He told me the short version of it. He told
me about his trip to Turks and Cacos in July. He didn't bother to ask me
about my day.

I told him I wanted him to seduce me. I'm sick. I really just wanted to
be held. I always just want warmth and spooning. This is not the first
time I told him that. Seduce me like you did the first time.
I guess Sade was right. Its never as good as the first time.

*rolls eyes*

His was way of "seducing me" was letting me doze off on his chest before
grabbing my breast and giving me a brief kiss before pulling down my
undies.

*gives sideways glance*

Half-way through, I realized I just wanted to go to sleep. It was 3am
and I had to be at work for 9:30 to finish the manual for my
replacement. I wanted to make a good impression (at least until my
probationary period is over..ha!) and in my head I was just in lala
land.

He didn't really notice. All of the equipment was working properly. It
was intense for him. As soon as he was done, it was not 5 minutes before
he fell asleep.

Ugh!

I slept really hard for about 2 hours. I got up to use the bathroom and
really thought about just leaving. His bed is really comfy. He has like
20 white pillows and (I think cashmere) comforter and its just like
laying on a bosom. I thought against it.

Rather, I came back from the bathroom, lay asleep until professional
determination shook me out of bed. I kissed him on the cheek.

He said, "Bye babe"

(Didn't have the courtesy to walk me to the door)

He text me later.

"It was a pleasure to see you."

I thought about texting back. I decided against.

For some things, like my standards, there are no words.

My Subconscious love of shoes + Married Men + Get the Hint Already! + Silly Crushes + The Return...

I was finally bored enough today to go to my mom's house and use her
flighty ass wireless internet. I looked at her closet and found myself
trying on a more than a fe pairs of her shoes and I came upon a pair I
remembered from when I was about 17 years old. They were still in the
same nice condition that I remmebered them in. Pink, pointed-toe leather
with a sweet little bow just above a generousamount of toe cleavage.
Sweet.
I remember not being able to walk properly in them. A few steps would
sendf my ankle reeling. I slipped them on and walked down her hallway.
I'm a supermodel. No ankle pain. No awkward steps. I walked in them
perfectly. It brought everything back. I got her mojo.
My fondest memories of my mother include her shoes. I would walk into
her closet and be amazed that one person could have acquired so many.
Most of our arguments included me borrowing them and either damaging or
not reuturning them.
I thought of LP and her hatred of shoes. I think it directly ties into
the hatred of herself - not wanting to bring too much attention to
herself. I can't name one woman who slipped on a pair of 3/4/5 inch
heels who didnt want to be seen.
My mother was never like that. She showed me that she was beautiful
every day and I learned a lot about confidence/makeup/how to dress from
her. I'm not sure if she got that at home.
***
Leroy just doesn't get that chick doesn't want him. I've been dodging
his calls like he's a bill collector. I feel bad, but I just can't help
it. A. N. N. O. Y. I. N. G!
The key to my heart is a hot kiss. Something that will melt my panties
off. Yes, that's how they come off.
He's been calling me left and right everyday. Today's call hasn't come
and I'm thrilled! Maybe I've found the key to why he's single with not a
single prospect at 40!!!

Good luck w/that buddy.
***
I have a crush on one of the dudes that drums on the train for money.
When he looks at me, it electrifies me. Hmmm....

***
I know I said I wouldn't mess with Blair anymore. But.....
He called me. Maybe I'm weak...but, I do want to use this opportunity to
get some things off my chest. Plus, I think I deserve it after the Leroy
debacle. If anything, I'm thinking I can see which window is his so I
can throw a brick square through it. I'm all about the future.

But, today is Day 1 of a cold and I feel like mold. I might fall asleep
and "forget" to call him later. He caught me at a weak moment - at the
end of the day when I was just worn out and my defenses were weakened.

***
What is inappropiate to say to someone at work? A former superior told
me last week I had the most beautiful skin.

Today I had on a beige body-skimming (not tight not loose) dress on,
paired with these 3 inch brown and beige heels on. (ubercute) He was
coming from behind me and I looked back. He said, "Yea I see you. Its
like bam!"

I laughed it off because it was the only reaction I could come up with.

Inside, I was like...eh.

I'm the only female in my department. A department of at least 6-8.

Friday, I asked my main nay-sayer to pull an errant staple out of the
stapler for me because I couldn't quite grasp it. He said, "This is a
man's job." I was inclined to think he wasn't just referring to the
handiman work. Things that make you go hmmmm...

I got the promotion I cursed out my superiors via blog about. After
hearing from other parties about MoBetta's incompetence, they offered
it to me. When pressed (self-imposed) about the decision, my boss (who's
from Israel) says its a woman's job. Oh not really, you know you're a
woman but you have um....

I chuckled, "Great organizational skills?"

"Jes jes"

This has to be a precursor to more outrageous shit to come.

After a long day at work, my feet and my booty hurt. My feet because I'm
in heels for the better part of the day and concrete and heels don't
match. My booty because I sit all day. Even in comfy shoes, my feet are
tired. I'm torn.

***
I know you all read to the end to hear what I have to say about the
married me. When I worked at Cablevision, there was this guy with the
same name as Leroy. He was so "me" at the time. Really afrocentric. He
loved The Roots, Mos Def, Talib Kweli, De La Soul. He was so
complimenting of me in that way where I was that "thing." Here's my
theory. Men always want the hot thing. Whether it be a woman, a car, a
shoe, something that they can only ogle and could never truly have. I
think I represented that for him. He could only view me from afar
because I was flyer back then than I am now. I would routinely come into
work, my hair flyy with 3/4inch heels on, makeup done, the whole 9
yards. A lot of the men looked at me a certain way and so did the
chicks. As they were walking in with timbs and baggy slacks (ick), I was
in a pencil skirt, button down shirt, pumps, long hair and a cute purse.
Hmmm...its not abt what you wear, its the effort behind it. If you wear
the same pencil skirt and button down shirt, make sure that shit is
hand-washed in the sink and pressed. *snap*

Anywho, I loved the attention he gave me. He would give me the "look.."
But more than that he would talk to me like a normal human. He
stimulated my mind which is what I was most grateful for.

I knew I couldn't fuck with him when he began to tell me about his
child. She needed a lot of operations because something was wrong with
her heart and he and his wife were like zombies. I knew I couldn't fix
it. I would further damage his unhappy home.

In the end, I wouldnt be able to deal.

****
Fuck! I just missed 2 buses because I couldn't run. My body is jacked. I
just wanna layyyy DOWN!

Give me strength.

Eff You!

(This post is from last night)

Today, was a hard day at work.

The same person who hadn't been pulling their weight in our 2-person team was up to his usual antics.


Not doing shit.


Let's call him MoBetta.

(Why? Cause he says that ignant shit all the time)


It took everything in me to not go postal on his ass today. Against my better judgement, I went in. I was 2 hours late and none of the work that was supposed to have been done was completed. By this time, it was 12:00. That person had been there since 7am. Which means in 5 hours, nothing had been accomplished.

I was so hot!

He hasn't done work since Aladdin left 2 weeks ago. He's been trying to replace him. But how can you get a promotion when you're not effective in your current position?

By schmoozing the higher-ups who feel more comfortable with a man doing the work.

Fine.

I wrote a scathing e-mail regarding his work ethic. I printed it out and took it to the manager, not sure if I should send it.

I was told to wait. Things were soon to change. He implied for the better.

30 minutes later. An e-mail was sent. MoBetta and PMRelief get to do nothing. All of their other duties are stripped. All they must do is their specialized function. It comes along with being apart of the management team and having a beautiful cherry wood desk.

I am flabbergasted.

I've worked so hard and for what? I'm tired. Why can't I ever have a good day at work? Why am I still there? I'm like...nothing will change. This will be his only responsibility and nothing will change. I'm looking forward to telling everyone who has a question to call his extension, along with the disclaimer: if you don't like it, take it up with your local councilman.

I should've followed my instinct and sent that e-mail.

This is some bullshit!

WTF Moment + Other Ish (continued)

(This was supposed to have been posted on May 1)


I said, "Hell No! Don't give that n---a money."

Yes, I felt that strongly.

"He had no words for you all week and then...I need money, let me
contact you. The dick wasn't that good was it?"

She paused.

"Shit," I murmed.

She laughed nervously.

I told her to call him. Ask him what the deal is. Get a straight answer
from him. Do it now. She called. No answer.

Hmmm. I said, wait 10 minutes, call from Cousin's phone. Cousin is her
(you guessed it) her cousin (well, really close family friend, but you
know in black terms...) from Louisiana. Thus, she has a 225 area code
preceding her number. We talked about how low down he is and I told her
it was time to face the music.

Cousin called.

He picked up.

She preceded to tell him he gave her his number while he was in NYC. She
asked him repeatedly if he remembered her, to which he replied in the
affirmative. He goaded her to send him pictures to his sidekick. The
same sidekick BFF had been sending e-mails that he "never got."

*mumbles obscenities under breath*

She wasn't doing it fast enough, so he called her twice to make sure she
sent it.

He called moments after he got them to invite himself to her "spot in
Manhatan" to have sex because he's "not ready for a relationship."

BFF and I were horrified. This Negro had no words for her for 2 weeks,
yet he had plenty for Cousin, who by the way, is very pretty. So is
BFF.

They let the situation ride out. The dog in question had been calling
Cousin of the hook. They don't know what the next step will be.

>>>>

Just as quickly as my affection for Leroy manifested itself, it has
faded.

Yesterday, we had Date #2. He bought me a gift. 2 leather-bound writing
notebooks. He said it was from writer to another.

Sweet.

We perused through Barnes and Noble and its apparent he is not as
well-read as he proclaimed himself to be. I offered to make him a book
list, cause brother needs some help.

We picked up an astrology book. Cancer Man w/Aquarius Woman. It said
that he could never figure her out and that mysteriousness is apart of
her charm, yet it could be detrimental to the relationship. She's
patient and a good mother, open-minded and tolerant of most things. You
can't shock her.

Aquarius Woman w/Cancer Man.
He's boring and a home-body and your eccentric nature may not mesh with
his stoic nature. He's a good provider and excellent father. If you are
smarter than your partner be smart enough not to show that to him. That
could cause problems in the relationship.

There was a lot more but it pretty much congealed everything I had in
the back of my mind.

He took me to this soul food restaurant in the village. In the middle of
dinner, he announces, he will kiss me.

"I think you're delectable. I want to kiss you now, but not in the
restaurant.."

"Well, you're not supposed to tell me!"

He laughed.

"Well if you're gonna do it, then you better be good at it.."

He laughed.

"Well don't worry about that."

"How are you getting home from this area?"

"I'm gonna walk you home."

"That takes you way out of your way."

"Ok. Well, no we can take the same train and my stop is after yours.
But, I thought by that question you wanted me to take you home."

*thinks "heck no!"

"I was just wondering since your train is kind of obscure around these
parts"

"So, you don't want me to take you home."
He winked.

"No thanks"

"Are you sure, its no inconvenience."

"I'm sure. Thanks"

He paid the check and came back and kissed me dead on the lips. It was a
quick peck. I've kissed some of my gay friends like that. He caught me
off guard but I was silently relieved. We got to the train station
because I was cold. He bent down and laid one on me.

It.was.horrible!

No chemistry for me at all.

*sigh*

Blogger is Fucking Up!

Friends,

I'm sorry. I e-mailed about 3 posts within the past couple of days. Mobile Blogger is truly acting a fewl!


I'm going to re-send them again and hopefully they will not double post.


Nina