Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Its gonna be a long long way to happy

Afroman came this weekend because it was his older brother's birthday. We tried to meet up but it didn't work out that way. I don't know how I feel about that because once upon a time, I would've dropped everything to see him but I just wasn't that pressed.

I'm wondering....is this progress or is it me trying to feign progress?

With Afroman, it was always like he never tried hard enough. He never went out of his way for anything and masochist me (!!!) needed to prove my love for him even more by spending more time, overextending myself to ---- I don't even know.

The major slap in my face that made me quit was at Christmas when I asked him to spend the night and he said "he didn't feel like taking the train home.".

It wasn't a slap as in an insult but more of a wake-up call and I'm wide-eyed and bushy-tailed.

He e-mailed me yesterday admitting regret that we could not see each other and truthfully, I don't buy it. Maybe, he honestly couldn't leave his family to come and see me, but past transgressions kinda just refute anything he says.

Its been a little over a year since we broke up. How long does it take to get over someone you thought would be your Great Love? How long does it take to forget lips you thought would be the last ones you'd kiss? When do you stop reminiscing on the good times and how long before you can no longer feel the softness of their skin, the brown of their eyes, their caress, etc.

I suspect in a few more years when I'm in a happier situation and can reasonably look back, I'll scoff at my dramatization of the whole thing.

The wound is starting to form a scab if only I could stop picking at it.

5 comments:

Young woman on a journey said...

I hear it takes twice the time you were together to get over it. Its not promising. Its so easy to fall in love and just as easy to forget someone's wrongs. but its much more difficult to move on or to let go of emotions. It makes no logical sense. its just difficult. all of it!

Chris said...

Honestly, the only thing you can do is analyze what happened. Remember what you couldn't live with, and try to recognize those faults in the future. It's easy to figure out what you like, but hard to pick out what you can't live with.

jirzygurl said...

it does get easier... i mean i don't know if you ever forget but you do get to a place where you can remember without wanting to go back to that place... and it's usually their loss anyway so you are probably better for it.

Monie said...

I don't know the answers to your questions but I do know that I wanna kick Afroman's ass. LOL!

Nina said...

Aww thanks!!!