I Want You

Yes, it is 5:30am

I've spent the last 3 hours in crazy conversations with myself and others.

At 2, I realized sleep wasn't coming and so, I hopped out of bed with the intention of getting some market research done.

It started with Sparrow. He's a friend from Junior High. He's a singer now and he hit me up on FB. I started listening to his youtube videos. He's soooo good!

Then Brother Wise hit me up...oh man oh man.

Brother Wise.
Brief background.
Had a major thing for him in college. We almost slept together one night. (No condom. No nookie.) As I slept, he watched me. (Creepy but cute.) The next day, he didn't speak to me. He felt like he almost violated me and that I was too precious for that. (No, he's not gay) He said that I'm younger than his younger brother and that was effing with him plus he was trying not to fornicate. (He's really spiritual). »FFWD» We kept in touch. His girlfriend committed suicide. He was sooooooo broken up over that. »FFWD» He became a teacher. He met someone. They had a child together. They broke up. Drama. »FFWD» I told him I loved him in a hear-wrenching convo 2 years ago. He loves me back but STILL doesn't want to go there. »FFWD» We still keep in touch but dance around the "I love you" thing.

We talked about everything. About this generation of boys in skinny jeans, music, masculinity, his son break dancing and saying imagination as " jin ban tation", slavery, everything...

Somehow (!!) we started talking about celibacy. Mine. He said he was celibate a few years ago but it didn't work. Clearly because he has a child after he ended his celibacy. (smh) I said that I've reverted back to basic means of affection and that I want to hold hands, hug, cuddle. He said he loves doing those things. Girls don't seem to appreciate them anymore, he said. I remember. I told him I would go visit him in CT to hold hands. I meant to say cuddle but the convo kept flowing. I corrected myself and he was like "oh." Then he said..........

BW: I don't think I can handle that.
Me: What?
BW: Cuddling. I can hold your hand. I can hug you. I can't cuddle with you.
Me: Why not? I'm harmless. I'm a bunny rabbit.
BW: Think about what you just said. That's why not.

(Hump like rabbits...get it)

Me: Oh. I meant bunny rabbit as in cute and cuddly.
BW: You are cute. Cuddly idk
Me: :-o
BW: No offense, when I think cuddly, I think pillows, blankets...things made out of cotton not ebony skin
Me: That's ironic. When I think of cotton, I think of ebony skin. Bad joke. Sorry

»FFWD»

BW: I'm intimidated by you.
Me: (in my head I'm like :-O)
BW: But, I'm not a pussy. I'm not gay. I just know being next to you like that....
Me: No. I know you're no punk. I think it takes a mature man to know his boundaries. In the back of my mind, I'm still like...I want to cuddle.
BW: Yea Young Jones...

»FFWD»
Me: You make me :), lol
BW: Yea, you make me l-o-l smiley face, too
Me: hahahahaha
BW: You're a cute sexy chocolate delicious angry bunny (the angry was because I told him I was going to teleport and kick his butt about something he said..I was like uh oh, I'm an angry bunny now, lol)
Me: Aren't you a charmer?
BW: Thank you for giving me a reason to be charming.
Me: I just realized, I don't think I can handle cuddling either.
(I shouldve pulled out at 3 letter sentence...but I didn't. "I want you." I think those are the sexiest 3 words you can say to any human being. Oh man!)

Why do I have the overwhelming urge to book a train ticket?!

I wish FB let you save convos...oh em gee....

I'm having dangerous thoughts...I remember from that one night...dude is packing some serious artillery. A bunny like me will get hurt.

Oooh weeeee....out of control!
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