and when i need peace....................................................i blog?
(please read my previous post)
i feel sad today. it is a sadness that just hit me actually. its not easy being green or having green blood as vulcans do.
i feel as though sadness is a distraction from the bigger picture which is my goals in life. so, i'm trying to shake it off.
i had my 2nd phone conversation with hs. i don't know how to read him or how i feel about him. i'm not sure if the chemistry is there. he has some fascinating things to him. he's a doctor. he studied medicine in poland. he's african. he speaks yoruba. he's 29 and lives at home with his parents which he'll probably do until he finishes his residency.
i just keep thinking...is it me or do i not know how to date? has being celibate made me hyper-sensitive to things and do i need to chill the hell out?
in both conversations, his way of "teasing" me is by saying he's going to spank me. i asked him if he meant that in a sexual manner and he said no. tonight, we spoke about gay people. he asked me if i were bi. i said no. he said....if you were i'd give you some good 'd' and turn you out.
i guess i kind of walked into that one.
in our first conversation, i mentioned i give facials. ever since then, he's like when can i get one? i said you have to earn it. tonight, he's like, "so can I come over and get a facial?" i said, "yes, when you earn it." he said, "i guess i won't be getting one." he said he was playing but i'm just like hmmmmmmm....i'm trying not to read too too much into it.
i asked him what was he looking for as far as relationships.
he said, "a good sista so he can settle down."
good answer, yes...but i'm not buying it.
something doesn't jive well. maybe it's because i view him as someone to pass the time with...but i don't want him to view me that way..i know, not fair..arrgh.
i am just so sad right now...going to bed. hopefully, i will feel differently in the morning.