Saturday, August 18, 2007

Who knows!?!

'If that's your boyfriend. If that's your boyfriend...he wasn't last
night'

I recite the words with all my b-girl flava to Afroman, asking if he
knows the artist of the song. He replies in the negative but we ease
into a nice little conversation about nothing and I ask if he's coming
over on Sunday nite to have a little bonding time. He agrees and we chat
a little more. I make bad jokes and he laughs at them. I hang up with a
smile.

Geez! Why couldn't this be us the first time around? I hypothetically
ask myself if I could make AM my boyfriend again. (Only if we keep it
like this...I reply inwardly)

Would things change?
Could be only talk like once every few days?
What if things go sour again, would I feel like an idiot?
Is it even worth the effort?
Should I not rock the boat but pay it forward and leave us in our
comfortable safe zone right now...

Hmmm...I don't know these answers and more. At some point, one of us
will meet someone new and be gaga over them and one of us will be left
alone.

I've swallowed enough loneliness to ruefully hope its not me.

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