Thursday, February 25, 2010

Snap Out of It + Brooklyn Carter

Thank you guys for your care and concern. Last night, I cried. I prayed. I told myself why I was feeling the way I was. Afterwards, I fell asleep in that way you can only sleep when you've spilled all your guts and you're empty inside.
I woke up this morning and saw the clouds (no Sun, it was raining...) and I thought...OK, Nina, make a damn decision. Either, you're going to live or curl up and die slowly. I showered, brushed my teeth, put on some clothes and faced the day. I'm not saying that I'm cured but being active helps.
In my newfound go-getter mentality, I worked non-stop from 1pm until I fell in my bed at midnight. I was exhausted. My head felt like brick. I'd fantasized and masturbated (ya relieve some of that brick feeling) and I was feeling pretty delicious and tingly all over when he called. Carter. I hesitated before I answered. I hit him up on gchat but he was busy, so I thought that possibly, he would top off my yummy feeling.

"Tell me about your last relationship," he asked.

Damn, I guess we were having a serious conversation. He called in response to a tweet that I'd posted saying how I wish I could go back to a time before my heart was broken.

I told him briefly about Aussie and took about 3 minutes. He said, "Oh you haven't had any real drama."

I said rather sarcastically, "I guess...since I've never been married and divorced."

The sarcasm was lost on him. He began with, "Well, I was married and now I'm divorced with 3 kids."

I listened for 30 minutes as he talked non-stop about his ex in detail. I was over it. I feigned sleepiness in order to get off of the phone.

To be so young, I've dated a pretty cool cross-section of men. He reminds me of Dame. Yes, Dame...the one who said he only wanted fwb but after sleeping together 3 times, he asked why we never went out on dates and then proceeded to cry saying how he never wanted to be hurt again. Dame was not over his ex-wife. Carter is Dame. One in the same.
I've heard soooo much about this ex-wife, I feel like I know her. It's uncanny and beginning to get annoying..

I now have to figure out a way to distance myself (I.e not talk to him every day) without hurting him and jeopardizing our friendship. I doubt I'm reading the signs wrong. I'm sure ya'll will inform me but I've been an emotional dumpster for so many in my life, I refuse to continue.

I really can't stand a man who talks too much.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


K♥E♥N♥Y♥A said...

Although Carter didn't help any-I'm glad you were able to find a bit of pep in your step today- I just finished reading your other post... I must say I don't know exactly how it feels to be in your shoes but I know the feelings you expressed and how I feel when I'm in that same rut-unfortunately we as humans have these moments and we have to 'snap out of it' and 'being active helps'. I watched 'Good Will Hunting' today for the first time and I plan to do a post about some feelings I had when watching the movie and it kind of has to do with the words you used here- 'I feel like I am a mess. People don't see it. Am I that good at faking it?' I say YES yes you are- WE ALL ARE good at faking this- I think this is the way of the world now- aside from seeing a therapist and taking prozak we all have to find a way to be 'NORMAL' on a daily basis whatever the fuck normal means anymore- I'm so over it...anyhooo I see I got some stuff to get out- I need to start my post- Hang in there sweets-lastly as you said 'No offense to the Big Guy, but these days, I'm looking for something a bit more...tangible.' Try and find out what that tangible thing is-see how it lines up with your current journey and if it won't take you too far off course from what God has in store then why not indulge a bit- if its that $400 trip-find a way to make it happen- This has been a long a$$ comment I know but theres no cut and dry response to things like this so I'm just writing what I feel which us bloggers so love to do...


jaded said...

Yeah, no need to become someones emotional dumpster (what an awesome term!!)...I think you'll be able to distance yourself just fine...and it's not even distance you two have only begun talking heavily in the past month or so correct?

He might take notice, but he seems (from how you describe him) to be a pretty reasonable fellow. I'm sure you wont have any ugly confrontation.