Tuesday, February 2, 2010

Asked and Answered

Shout-out to Jaded for her dead-on advice.

Honesty and ass-whoopings are the same. Wherein, if you ask for it, the right person will give you the perfect dose of it!

Did I listen to Jaded? No, of course not! But I did, kinda...lol and I learned my lesson.

As I approached our date, my heels clicking on the pavement, I prayed a small prayer:

"Lord, show me what this dude is about and let me be smart enough to recognize it and run away, if necessary."

We met a small coffee shop in Bed Stuy, Brooklyn. I ordered my red velvet cake and water and we talked. I felt as though he avoided talking about anything important unless I directly asked but he did tell me about a couple of disturbing events that happened in his teenage years.

Red flags were replaced in my head of images of......I don't know. Nothingness. I really wasn't thinking.

He took both of my hands in his. Kissed them. And then tried to kiss me.

"Whoa, I said. Back up."

"You owe me for trippin that first day we spoke."

"I don't owe you sheeeeeeeiiiiiiiit," I said half-jokingly.

After the 6th time of giving him my cheek, I finally let him kiss me. It was nice.

After a while, the shop was getting crowded.

"Do you want to go for a walk," he asked.

I looked down at my feet and said..."Not really." I decided to walk us around the corner to BFF's but then I decided to go to the bus stop and go home.

As we waited for the bus, he attacked me with his tongue. Literally, putting his tongue down my throat.

I stopped him. Wiping the saliva from around my mouth, I pushed him off of me with my pelvis.

Dude certainly had "boundary-issues" like Jaded said. It was if he was trying to have all these passionate kisses as if we were gonna get it on in the street.

He kissed me again really deep, his big lips enveloping mine. I stopped.

"What's wrong?"

"You're too aggressive," I said.

"You're only saying that because its turning you on."

"Its really not," I said, once again wiping my mouth.

He kissed me again. I was disgusted. The bus came. He hugged me.

"I'm going to miss you. Hopefully, you'll miss me too."

I just looked at him...blankly staring.

There were people who flashed in my mind whom I really wanted to be with. I BBM'ed one of them randomly.

"Do you believe in God," I asked. He was taken aback of course. We chatted back and forth.

I felt uneasy about the whole Olu thing. I really thought about it. I would be regressing a lot with him...sad to say.

He reminds me of Joe and Aussie with hints of Afroman. Noooot a good combo. He's needy, craving constant verbal confirmation that he's wanted. He knows he's physically intimidating and he throws his weight around a lot. First date and he was talking about us getting tattoos together and us, us and us.

He posed questions in a way that guilts you into agreeing. Saying, "I'm going to miss you. Are you going to miss me?" kinda makes you feel like a jerk for saying no.

When I got home, I BBM'ed him saying I don't think we should see each other anymore. He called me asking if I just didn't like him. I said no (lying), saying my work was stressful (it is though) and that it's not the right time. He tried to play mental games saying, "I thought you were real. Time will tell." BULL SHIT. I stuck to my guns. He finally relented.

I had a grizzly thought. He's 6"6. He's admitted to a history of violent thoughts. What if he finds me, stalks me, kills me? What if he comes to the party and causes a scene?

I took the address down off of my BBM and de-friended him on FB but what if he remembers or already wrote it down?

I can't really think of that.

"Has this year of celibacy taught me nothing?"I thought. It did.

He said, "You wasted my time."

I said, "Better to waste 2 hours of your time than 2 weeks, 2 months...etc"

And so, my lesson is....I'm not a robot. I recognize that now. I accept that I want and need someone in my life. I will no longer deflect romantic gestures. I will give people a chance. However, it was made clear what I want in a man...there are qualities that I can't and won't compromise on.

As I called JC and spoke to him for a beat, wishing I could cut out the distance between us and BBM'd Archer, I knew dudes like them are out there. I would LOVE to date either of them...and maybe when the time is right. For now, I'm thankful for second chances. I feel like I've dodged a bullet!

Like Olu said, Time will tell.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


jaded said...

Hey! You totally listened to your instincts. You asked God to show you the way and he did and you listened. That's awesome! I love it.

And you're dead right. Better two hours than 2 weeks, 2 months, 2 years.

Trish said...

Girl that sounds like the guy I went out with! Picturimg him gag you with his tongue made my stomach hurt. I guess there are too many "I'll be your man/woman for the night" songs. I'm glad he pulled his mask off early enough.

Young woman on a journey said...

thumbs up for lessons learned. its so hard sometimes for people to just cut people off from jump, but its clear that this guy was going to be no good. time will tell alright.

and i echo jaded's last point!

PaoBlggr said...

Hi, I feel your pain, if you read my blog, you can see we have similar stories haha...
I'lll follow and comment, hope you do the same =)
Maybe we can give good advice to each other