Tuesday, March 9, 2010

Army of One

I've been looking for free Women's Health Services clinics in NYC. NYU has one but I have to qualify and they only take apps on Saturdays between 9 - 12. Even if I apply, I may not be considered "in-need of free treatment" and be charged some unknown fee for treatment. I was feeling so vulnerable and the process of finding healthcare was so daunting - a huge runaround. I looked up my symptoms again because I don't have burning during urination. Looks like I may have fibroids. I called Planned Parenthood and the lady was so brusque and rude with me and she told me it would be considered an annual check-up which is $165. I hung up on her and starting crying until my eyes burned. It is the worst feeling to not know what's going on with your body and not have accessible funds to just go and get it fixed.

Every time I think about it, I start tearing up.

I felt weak and helpless but I have work to do, so I poured myself into that. There's always something to do. Went to church to my dating group. The topic was about waiting til marriage to have sex. Hilarious. Getting grown people to talk about sex in church. It kept my mind off of my problems.

I have so many worries that I just don't talk about at all. They were weighing heavily on my mind as I was coming home. I just felt so alone. I'm making it a conscious effort to reach out and talk to someone I care about as soon as I feel that way. Called Twin. He didn't pick up so I resorted to Chinese with Kell on Earth.

I love that show. Kelly Cutrone reminds me to be a strong power girl.

Twin called me back. He offered such gems as "Pay it girl" gay speak for "fuck it" for every problem I had (I didn't tell him abt possible fibroids). He had me lauging so hard, my cheeks are flushed.

Right now, rest is a welcomed friend.

Night ya'll.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

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