Sunday, I tried my hand at calling her to see if she wanted to go to church.
BFF: Hey girl...*launches into a long-winded story about cops harassing black kids on campus*
Me: Wow. You know what, BFF, I'm kinda pissed off at you. You always do this. When you're out and about and you need to vent about something, you call me and I always pick up and you know what...I am not your emotional dumping ground. We have this joke that I'm Spock and I don't have feelings but I do. I was so depressed last week to the point I didn't get out of bed for about 3 days and I'm supposed to be able to call you but I didn't. Why? Because I feel like you don't take my emotions seriously.
She was shocked. Speechless.
I told her about how I felt a few weeks ago when that guy came out of my church in a body bag. And how she interrupted with some crap abt FB and was laughing and talking.
She said she was out and about and I said I was going to call her back.
I was like..I specifically said I was freaked out and scared and you disregarded it.
(The problem is...if you call me and I'm wherever..it doesn't matter. If you say you're feeling some type of way, that's it. I take a minute and handle it.)
She had to go. She said she'd call me back. She hasn't. I don't really expect her to and I'm not sure if I have the energy to care right now.
As I was talking to J about it. He was saying how I'm possibly too great of a listener. It happens with him. I will let him go on and on for hours about nothing. He was right. I need to learn how to shut people down. Quickly yet kindly. I remember a sermon where my pastor said that any relationship where one person is always giving and the other is taking is dysfunctional. The only non-dysfunctional relationship I have is with this blog. I'm a horrible communicator. I need to know that it is okay if I say how I feel. I need to make others understand my emotions and allow them to comfort, advise and talk to me. Hooooow does one do that? All I know is...I need to get my voice back.
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