Saturday, March 20, 2010

Blonde Ambition + Party All the Time + Like Taking A Bullet

I decided on a whim to cut off all my hair and dye it Honey Blonde just as the temperature was rising. I look and feel good about it.

It's way different from the way I perceive myself. In my head...I'm dark and brooding so this bright blonde is a stretch for me.

I was at a party last night doing 10 minute makeovers. Afterwards, I was dancing and meeting men. It was crazy because I know I look good and these guys were falling over these skinny girls that aren't as pretty as I am. Not to be conceited or anything...just stating fact.

It usually doesn't bother me. It did last night. Like...dudes were staring at me like they wanted to say something...they just didn't. Just annoying.

BG's words floated in my work work. More and more, I'm like...I need to get money. Archer is having his album release party next Friday. I have to go and support him. After that, I'm done with parties. If things work out with O'Neil, I'll go out with him. If not, home is where the grind is...I'm sick of being broke and alone.

I'm on my way to do a makeup party at a department store in Midtown. I get on the train and sit directly across from Afroman's brother. I look a lot different from the last time he saw me. The last time he saw me, I had a black bob. He said he was doing well. Everyone was fine. He lives not too far from me.

Then he said:

AM is having a baby. Did you know?

It was like taking a bullet to the gut. I'd allowed myself to forget. I probably made a face or something. I was cordial.

I said:

Tell him I said, Congrats the next time you speak to him.

It was awkward after that. We both didn't know what to say. We just went back on to listening to our music.

I thought I was over it. Anyways, I'm letting it all go. I've moved on. He has his family. I have my business. We'll both live happily ever after separately.

The end.
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jaded said...

You know, I've thought about how I'll feel when I find out the M has had (another) child (he has a 5 year old). Or when I find out that he's married...and sometimes I think it's going to be shocking (to say the least). But Other times, I know I'll be fine. That the news will matter, but at the same time it wont because I know that I am where I am supposed to be and he is where he you said we're both living our lives.

Young woman on a journey said...

ditto to jaded.

i can't wait to see the hair. send me a pic over bbm.

you know i can feel you on the guy thing, but i figure if that's what the guy is only interested in looking at, then good riddens. i'd rather someone who recognizes my beauty, and not in a fetish type way, but just because.