I decided on a whim to cut off all my hair and dye it Honey Blonde just as the temperature was rising. I look and feel good about it.
It's way different from the way I perceive myself. In my head...I'm dark and brooding so this bright blonde is a stretch for me.
I was at a party last night doing 10 minute makeovers. Afterwards, I was dancing and meeting men. It was crazy because I know I look good and these guys were falling over these skinny girls that aren't as pretty as I am. Not to be conceited or anything...just stating fact.
It usually doesn't bother me. It did last night. Like...dudes were staring at me like they wanted to say something...they just didn't. Just annoying.
BG's words floated in my head...work work work. More and more, I'm like...I need to get money. Archer is having his album release party next Friday. I have to go and support him. After that, I'm done with parties. If things work out with O'Neil, I'll go out with him. If not, home is where the grind is...I'm sick of being broke and alone.
I'm on my way to do a makeup party at a department store in Midtown. I get on the train and sit directly across from Afroman's brother. I look a lot different from the last time he saw me. The last time he saw me, I had a black bob. He said he was doing well. Everyone was fine. He lives not too far from me.
Then he said:
AM is having a baby. Did you know?
It was like taking a bullet to the gut. I'd allowed myself to forget. I probably made a face or something. I was cordial.
Tell him I said, Congrats the next time you speak to him.
It was awkward after that. We both didn't know what to say. We just went back on to listening to our music.
I thought I was over it. Anyways, I'm letting it all go. I've moved on. He has his family. I have my business. We'll both live happily ever after separately.
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