Sunday, March 7, 2010

Sunday

so...there are some interesting things going on in my lady area...


1. Either my kidneys are about to fail me (a real fear, that's how my dad died) or I have a UTI. There's no burning or itching but my bladder feels full, I feel bloated and there's pee in my urine. My urine is yellow but when I wipe..there's blood. I am scared and I don't really have the funds for doctor's bills right now...so, I'm hoping it's a Band-Aid or something for me. I'm going to call around tomorrow and find out. The first day was Thursday...I thought the bleeding was from my period coming early and so I wore a pad all day..and nothing. Then, Friday, I went out and when I got home my underwear was wet. I know this is TMI but I'm kinda freaked out...


Send me prayers...I don't think I can handle anything major major right now.

2. In spite of number 1, yesterday and today, I've looked at porn and got off on it. the weird anime bondage stuff...Today, the sermon was Love is Change. If we love God, we will change our ways and I immediately thought about my past couple of days...Friday, I was shaking my butt at the club so hard, it threatened to fall off, porn on Saturday..but I guess it didn't sink deep enough because I watched porn tonight. Ugh! What is going on with me? Before these 2 days, the last time I watched porn was March or April of 09. Keeps the celibacy thing easier to swallow for me...but geeez... I'm going to stop. NOW

3 comments:

belle said...

Sending prayers your way....

RE the porn... I noticed that whenever I masturbate "bad" things happen to me. But my bf thinks I'm just paranoid/superstitious. The jury is still out..

K♥E♥N♥Y♥A said...

Sending prayers your way as well-we always got something going on with our nether regions- I hate that--I'm sure you'll be just fine but it sounds like something that does needs to be checked out by a doc sooner than later...

Young woman on a journey said...

you should get that checked out asap. go to planned parenthood or something. forreal. like i once had a uti that turned into a kidney infection. worst thing EVER!!

i've been trying to break the interest in porn. i've limited it to literature. good things have happened since then. but i don't know if its really all that. what i can say though is that self-love keeps me better in the celibacy dept. i think i might have broken down without it.