music goes straight to the soul

"I know its possible/to finally be in love/and know the real meaning of/a lasting relationship/not based on ownership/i trust every part of you/cuz all that you say you do/you love me in spite myself/sometimes i/i fight myself/i just can't believe that you/would have anything to do/with someone so insecure/someone so immature"

These are some of the realest lyrics...I've ever heard. They speak to such a raw part of me.
I've been singing this song since I've heard it deep in my heart. I used to sing it for Afroman...it was a song of mourning a relationship that was so warped and so just...not what I wanted but settled for because really - who can resist a dark choocolate tortured emo soul? Now, its a song of hope. A flag of what I want....true love, trust, someone who makes me want to be better than who I am...someone who is more flyy than I am cuz I think I'm the flyyest thing out there (in relationships).



I'm excited about Jilly's new album.

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Last week, I went on 2 interviews. One was for a cargo/shipping/freight company looking for someone to handle their international vendors. Perfect for me. It what I did at my last (non-makeup) job. The only thing was that it is was an hour and 45 minutes away from me. Not only was the commute enough to make me want to slit my wrists with a butter knife...the pay was $27k per year. For $13 per hour, I would bleed out. For more like $40k, I might be able to heal a little bit...ya dig? While its MONEY and I'm making little money..some money might seem like a salve but no...some money for a lot of stress, travel and aggravation would feel like no money.

Anyways...the lady liked me but knew that after a month, I'd quit because of the commute...she referred me to her brother in law who is looking for an assistant. He's transitioning into management at an insurance company and needs help recruiting people. So, since I have a nice phone voice and experience hiring and firing people (ka-blam) I got hired. for 20 hours a week. temporarily. to look through resumes, call people, schedule them for interviews and such. for $10 an hour. the job is downtown brooklyn. 30 minutes door to door and the guy is pretty cool. I start Wednesday.

I would kiss the Baby Jesus' chubby cheeks if I could. All I can say is Thank You...its something. It is a) extra dinero for things like driving lessons, vet visits - Rocky needs some shots and I need to pay off some debt and b) something taking up that ominious spot on my resume so it doesn't look like I've been sitting on my ass for a year and a half while unemployed.

If I stick to my budget and curb my spending..I realize that every time I leave my house, I have a compulsion to buy something - anything... (a sick compulsion, man) I will be able to use this as extra money to do the things I've been crying about not being able to do. #1- get my driving lessons and #2- get back in schoool (and buy shoes, travel and get rocky groomed and make sure he doesn't have rabies, ticks, fleas and such)

So, I'm excited.
AND, I'm supposed to see DK tonight for a movie...Fast Five (even though I haven't seen Fast 2, 3, and 4)...I want to see him and get a hug and *gasp* a kiss!