The Pursuit of ...

As we left the park, I almost wanted to hold his hand. I realized then the deep bitter taste that The Nigerian had left in my mouth. I also realized how I was to blame for it.

We met on a dating site that I'd been dormant on for a while. His note was short, sweet, funny and led me to his profile which stated he is studying Engineering. We passed notes and he kept on being sweet and funny.

"Where are you from?"

"Nigeria."

I groaned audibly as I poured over the words hoping I'd missed something.

…"But I grew up in Lagos."

The  Nigerian had poisoned me to his brethren. I sighed. I would give this one a shot. After all, Nigeria is a really big country. Not all men from there should be bad. So, I agreed to a coffee date. We met at Starbucks in Columbus Circle. We walked through Central Park and sat by the duck pond watching people row boats and he talked. I realize that I let most people just talk and talk. Of course, if I have something pertinent to say, I will but for the most part, I will just listen. I've also found that when you let people talk and talk, they'll really be themselves, thus allowing you to really gain an understanding for who they are. He made me laugh. He made me sad. He made me cringe with his stories from Nigeria and even in America. (Some) Americans are really ignorant when it comes to people who are not born here but I think with Africans, it is worse. He said some people were surprised that they had cars in Africa. Seriously? No, they get around in horse-drawn carriages. Africa has many beautiful cities. *sigh*

I found myself apologizing on behalf of stupid Americans, many of them black making dumb-ass statements.

He sparked something in me as well…my own American Dream. He works really hard and he said some things that had me thinking…I haven't worked hard in a few months just because I've been depressed which is really NO EXCUSE.

I kind of steered us out of the park and home after I realized we'd spent 2 ½ hours talking. I believe first dates should be short. He got on the downtown train with me only to go back uptown to Queens. Departing, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and a hug. He urged me to text him to make sure I got home okay.

And then as soon as he got off the train….*drumroll please*

I pulled chicken from my purse and ate it.

Okay, to be fair, I hadn't eaten all day. As I was on my way to meet up with him I stopped by the chicken shack to get a 2 piece and a roll to eat on the train. The MTA was being difficult and was over-crowded. I didn't want to be a double-statistic (being a big girl and black) and pull out a drumstick on a crowded train and eat it, so I ate the roll. Then, we met up and it's kind of umm…alarming to (be a big girl and) pull out a piece of chicken from your purse out of nowhere and eat it. So, at the end…I tore it up. The train was empty. It was magical.

Later, I called Twin and told him about my date.

"I was wrong..all wrong when I was trying to date The Nigerian. Firstly, I was celibate for 19 months. Clearly, I was out of my mind. In those 19 months, I not only grew my hymen back but I also grew back some of the naiveté that came along with being a virgin. Naïve to think that after he got what he wanted, he'd want more with me. Naïve to jump in with 2 feet. I belly-flopped into a situation I couldn't handle because I was lonely. All I did was see through the eyes of my loneliness and blinded myself to some major red flags…like how much he did NOT respect me or even fake like he did for one second. I gave him power he never had and I paid dearly for it. So, this guy…we can move like snails. If he has a problem, I'm okay with being alone. Being alone is better than compromising."

 

He was like…"You tell 'em Sista Souljah."

 

Everyone in my life is so disrespectful. Lol

Anywhosies…mom tried to ruin my day by giving me shit for not doing anything for her for Mother's Day. I kind of just shut down emotionally with her altogether because "I don't do right by her" but I'm the only kid that doesn't text message her on every freaking holiday. She can be mad. I'm  not faking it anymore.

I made some banging spaghetti with kielbasa, spinach, onions, celery, diced tomatoes and carrots and watched "The Pursuit of Ha.ppy.ness."  The new guy, let's call him DK called me to tell me he had a great time. I smiled. Today was a good day.

 

 

 

(didn't have to bust my AK)