There were no balloons or anything but blog posts, lots of comments and text messages...love from Blog Family. I appreciate it. I need all the love I can get.
There were tears.
Sadness for not having my (biological) mother or father. It never gets easier. Tears for not feeling like I am a priority in anyone's life. That was a big one. For a moment, I felt completely alone and insignificant.
A "friend" I thought I was close to didn't call me at all. Another (with whom I work) didn't text me until 3, feigning ignorance - she didn't know I took the day off. 4 hours into the workday, mind you.
There were tears of joy. Of Young Woman and Liz. Of remembering I'm alive and blessed. Tears of triumph. When I was 16, I made a promise to myself that I wouldn't see past 17. Tears of strength for breaking that promise and even in the midst of the crying so hard, my throat hurts, I'm still glad I'm here.
I learned to not expect anything from anyone ever and to realize when you say you don't but you really do. I learned that you should never give anything or anyone power over your own happiness. I learned that the true danger in pouring so much of yourself into someone else, is the feeling of hurt when they disappoint you. But also the danger of not doing so, is they might not. Put time and energy into people with the hope your investment will return true friendship. But, in the event it does not, address it and move on.
I feel lucky. After months of searching, I found a dog in my price range. I pick him up on Saturday. He's a cockapoo. So so cute! I am ecstatic!
I feel blessed. Because even though my maternal grandmother didn't find time to call me, I have you guys.
Just now, I realized I don't need another birthday wish. I don't need a card (I will take the cash since now, I have another mouth to feed..lol). I do need to feel supported and loved. I have that in abundance, and so yes, in the end, it was a happy birthday.
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