Monday, February 16, 2009

Dear Afroman

It is strange to me that you are just an fb status update in my life or that I haven't spoken to you since September. Above all, yes, you were my friend. Now, you are just that sad memory I wish I could forget.

Everyone says I am changing as a person. Maybe even you wouldn't recognize me anymore.

I miss you.

Some days, I feel irreparably broken as the person I used to be flakes away and washes off in the shower. How can you be friends with someone you thought was going to be your everything? How can you stop hating someone who you loved so fiercely and they walked away so easily?

I wanted you to choose me. And over and over again, you chose her or your family or to not be the man you promised you could be.

Today, I will let go. I will let you go. I will grow up.

Unwittingly, you have changed my life. You introduced me to Gnarls Barkley and Mos Def. You told me it was okay to be an "oreo" in a school full of fudge and you taught me that love without action is just pretty words.

You have taught me that yes, I can be broken by an emotion that lifted me up. You have taught me that sometimes love is not enough. You have taught me that you can extend yourself until there is nothing more and it is not enough.

Furthermore, you have taught me how to rebuild.

I must stand now. I have been down too long and although it hurts...I can't lay down in a dying hole. Its time for me to live now.

And while I can't fathom a world without you looming somewhere in the wings, I have to let go. Let go of questions of what could be, of why it didn't work, of any possibility of getting back together.

I'm fine.

I started out as coal, but through the pressure I've become a diamond. Precious in every way and I know my worth. Some day, someone else will, too.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

5 comments:

Liz said...

...indeed!

thismayconcernyou said...

this is well written and definitely heartfelt. I pray that you have the understanding and lessons that you need from this situation and that it be a thing of the past for you. Dame.

Young woman on a journey said...

beautiful love. I hope this lifts the heaviness off of your heart!

LiLu said...

You told me it was okay to be an "oreo" in a school full of fudge...

I absolutely LOVE that sentence. Beautiful post.

Chris said...

This was a very good post...and it reminded me of something I just figured out at the end of last year...sometimes you are with certain people just to make yourself better. Not to say that was the initial reason, but in the end, that was the result...I've dated a lot of wack women...too many to count...but I think it made me a much better person for it in the end.