Tuesday, February 24, 2009


i just need to be sad.

liz and i were having a conversation last week and she said that she did something for me because she felt like i needed to have somone give me something without expecting something in return.

she was right.

sometimes i feel like the world is on my shoulders. the real reason i blog is because you guys are the only ones that listen to me.

like, really listen.

half the time, when i call one of my friends, before i can get anything out past 'hello', they start going on and on about themselves, then after they're done, they ask me how i am. it's an afterthought. by then, i dont really feel like talking about what i called them for.

how do you unload when someone just unloaded on you? half the time i feel like the air has been sucked out of me when that happens..

i got to work today and before they could say anything, i told them about my problems. they didnt say anything more than...it'll be ok. you'll be fine.

my stomach is just in knots. i am a big tension ball...it's the long days...its the financial strain...its just always something..ya know.

i know i will be fine. i know everyone goes through things and i am fortunate to have what i have, however, i am not everyone. i am ME. i have to feel.

i can't be like roses and butterflies....although i've been more like gloom and doom than anything else. hopefully my mood will lift. right now...i can only be me.

the funny thing is...only one friend noticed my mood change. ONE. i want to blame it on youth. on people being self-centered and not particularly attentive to what others are going through. yea..i know...it helps me sleep at night.

right now, i'm thoroughly tired...i told myself i need something to look forward to in order to get through the week...i wanted to go to a mueseum on friday night...that may get sidetracked. maybe a $10 massage. who knows...we'll see..

next week i want to finally get my tattoo, i need a little hope and belief in my life. (if i can squeeze it in my already tight budget)

things will get better...i'm charging on...

p.s. i don't need anything. i dont need anyone to be like..it's ok. i dont need anything but a hug or a smile or a joke or or some flowers or a big bundle of money. the latter would be nice.


Liz said...


well i am working on winning the lottery! when i do, i'll pay for your tattoo! HA!

Or if one of my grand schemes actually come to fruition, i'll hire you with a ridiculous salary!

Chris said...

I mean, I know that, 'It'll be ok' sounds kinda tired sometimes...but it's true. I mean, like, eventually it has to balance out; it has to. There was a LONG time where I didn't think that was true...but right now, I finally see the sunshine coming out from behind the clouds...it WILL be ok, and you'll be a better person for being able to endure it.

Young woman on a journey said...

BIG HUG. And of course you are you! you have every right to be sad when you want to and feel however you want!

when i find that big bag of money, i'll unload some on you.