I have mourned loves
Have covered my mirrors in waiting
For what is next
I have sat still
Til restless nights creep up and whisper into window panes
Speaks hollow words
Under orange moons of wanting
I say to weeping willow trees
Who cling on to my eyelashes
I am the ebony oasis in your midnight desert
I am tired of waiting for you
I am tired of wanting you
Requite me to thine heart
I ask another again
And I am sick of the silence that burns deep within me
There will never be another us.
I seek another love.
Possibility holds my hand as I pursue
Another version of you
Convince them I am a better version of me
Another somebody they will eventually tire of trying to figure
This shit out
I would send you forget-me-nots but I forgot the address to
Lost potential for relationships I cried not for
For that would mean
I've died a thousand deaths only to discover that before I die
I shall let go
Of that notion of you
That version of me I wanted you to see
Wanted you to love
Wanted you to call your own and make a home inside of me
One day. I will forget you.
Yet, I see your face in my memory as clear as the sun before me
I pray to the god of expectation
To renew my hope
My belief in the fit of two hearts together
I've broken a thousand hearts to discover before my hearts breaks again that it will never mend
I am the perpetrator of perfectionism
The mistress to deception
I've believed a thousand lies to know the ventriloquist is the first to believe his own illusion
I've had my heart broken a thousand times to know what it means to be split in two.
And I scold myself for reaching for you
Amongst empty promises and words cast about like forgotten toys
My heart still sings you lullabies at night.
One day. I will remember to forget you.
I am the black owl hooting in the night
I am the kingless queen
One day it will be alright.
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