Thursday, July 9, 2009

I Ain't Perfect...but....DAMN!

Gi is a really good person. She's kind, generous, funny, smart, real...but sometimes, I want to shake some sense into her!

She started talking to this dude 2 weeks ago. Monday, she had sex with him. She spent the night with him last night. Did I mention, she slept with my boss 2 weeks after talking to him, too? Then he disappeared on her. Not completely since we all work together.

I gave her a pep talk. I told her she's precious..if she would only slow down. She's talking marriage. She's thinking marriage. Its been a cycle. The last 4-5 men she's been with, she's known for under a month. She's like...well....each time, I wanted to do it. I wanted sex.

I said, I routinely fantasize about punching strangers in the back of the neck. I really wanted to do it. The same reason I don't is the same reason you shouldn't have sex...because just because I want to do it doesn't make it right.

Granted, if you go back to this time last year, I made some bad decisions. I had a buck fuddy. I had what I thought would turn into a relationship stay at the most basic level. I've been hurt by going with urges and not with thoughts of the morning after and Gi has heard my hurt, my disappointment in the walk of shame instead of morning breakfast. She has gotten attached quickly and has cried or felt like mold on year old cheese. Yet, she continues to make the same mistakes. Part of this has to do with my own Capt Save-A-Hoe selfishness as well. It all starts the same. Boy meets girl. Boy spends hours on the phone with girl. Girl feels like boy is a nice guy. Boy gets sex. Boy stops returning phone calls. Girl cries. Part of me doesn't want to hear it. Imagine if every day was Groundhog Day?

But, I have to realize...I can't control the things that happen in my life, much more than anyone else's.
God and Heavenly Father,
Grant to us the serenity of mind to accept that which cannot be changed;courage to change that which can be changed, and wisdom to know the one from the other, through Jesus Christ our Lord, Amen.


*le sigh*

This morning, my phone was dead and so when my mom rang my doorbell to give me a ride to the train station, I was rushing to leave the house so she wouldn't leave me. See, here's the thing...If she's running late, I should just swallow it. If she needs money, I better have it to give to her. When the shoe is on the other foot...oh I get questioned, interrogated, even.

SO FINE!

I'm running down my stairs...and fell. I broke my sandals..(thong sandals...both shoes), scraped my elbow...my thigh hurts. Perfect, I thought.

I dusted the look of surprise off my face..Ran back up the stairs and searched quickly for another pair of shoes.

As I'm walking up the stairs, she honks her horn. Right after, I hear her car leave.

I'm FUMING!
I turn on my phone...which, if you have a BB, you know..it takes a minute...
I call her. She then proceeds to tell me she called me and my phone rang and rang. I was like..My phone was off...what are you talking about???
I start yelling. She starts yelling.

I say, I'm not going to argue with you about this.

She says, I know you're not arguing because you're wrong.

I hang up on her. At no point did she ask me if i were okay.

She calls me back 12 times! back to back! I kept ignoring the calls.

She's nuts!

I'll give it a day or so and talk to her because I really don't want to hear it. She's the type..she can't let it die. She's going to revisit it...even if I don't talk to her for a flippin year!

2 comments:

Young woman on a journey said...

love the new background.

you just gotta let gi make her own mistakes, even if she makes them over and over again. and have patience. you are incredibly mature, insightful and have strong conviction. not everyone can be like that.

lol. i know what you mean about your mom. i have some people like that in my life. i'm kinda glad my mom is not like that cause i wouldn't be able to deal. it drives me crazy. i'd rather just drop it...

Essequibo said...

My sista,
I'm still reading...and I see that life is still making you live it, as it is wont to do. It's a blessing...even these small squabbles are a blessing and it's all good.

I hope you are well :)

...and just between us, I'm still here some kinda way to, so Holla.

http://blacksilkweb.blogspot.com/