Monday, January 4, 2010

Repentance is Futile

The sermon yesterday was about repentance and how even though David was messed up, God loved him because he practiced true repentance.

I can't ask God to forgive me just yet because repentance isn't saying I'm sorry. Its saying I'm sorry with the intention of not doing it again.

I'm struggling with something. I can't get my mind together. I have these sexual urges more strongly than before. The closer I get to January 19th, the more I want to call up Blair and say...eff it, let's go.

I can't. I've worked too hard. Blair doesn't deserve it. I scold myself hoping its hormones or something...

But then I wonder about my birthday. I want some bday sex. Then, I say..."Its only a few minutes of pleasure. Its not worth it."

I can rationalize anything. I can't help it...I want to kiss. I want to touch. I want to be fondled. What is I'm gon' do???

The mind is such a powerful weapon. I'm trying to relax because I feel like men can sense errr--- desperation, horniness...idk. Whatever.

The only thing I can think is..."Essentially, I am an animal. So what do I do with all the aggression?" - Gnarls Barkley.
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Young woman on a journey said...

i like that last quote. lol. i don't know homey. i think we all go through it (especially black women from what i see).

Trish said...

I thought about trying celibacy too. Sometimes its so far and few between I feel like I'm practicing celibacy anyway!