Friday, September 17, 2010

Anger

I'm so angry about so many things right now. I'm getting angry that I'm still miserable. Its been a week and I'm still in the same spot more or less.

I'm angry that I'm broke.

I'm angry that people have to be so much more than they are to feel like somebody. I've gone to 2 fashion shows this week...one with a friend for support and 1 because I signed a contract to do the makeup. On both occasions, there were at least 2 people doing too much to the point, if I had the inclination, I would've found a way to commit serious bodily harm unto them...just to make them stop.

I was forced to put blue lips on 2 girls. Why? Because the stylist thought it was hot and edgy but they looked stupid and I have to stand by that.

I'm angry with The Nigerian.

I am angry with myself that I knew the warning signs and it took date rape and horrible mistreatment to get me to leave.

I'm angry with my mom for not caring enough about me. I'm not even surprised when she's not there for me when I need her.

I'm angry with Afroman for breaking my heart. I looked him up on FB and his kid looks just like him, even in his little baby face. Him and his happy family that don't include me.

I just want a better version of my life where y'know, my body is revolting against itself...I have a job and am not fighting for every dollar I make and possibly a boyfriend who is just a regular dude but solid. Simple shit.
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1 comment:

Jaded said...

I know this is a very personal post but the anger you feel is normal. The things you listed are real shitty. You should be mad.

I'm not trying to feed you any stupid ass motivational lines. The way I see it is you can do lots of things with that anger...including letting it consume you and hate life. Although you don't strike me as that kind of person.