(the story of how we got back together)
TN called me last week and I actually picked up. Brit talked me into giving him another chance and so I relented. I suggested we speak in person because the phone stuff with him is always semi-distracted. On Monday, I go over there. I tell him my piece.
"Our problem is communication."
He says "You can't rush me to open up to you."
I say, "I won't rush you to open up if you don't rush me to do sexual things."
I say, "I think that's the only thing you miss about me." (Sex)
He says, "No, I really do miss you as a person. I know you're a good woman but I just don't know how to keep you."
I say, "Its simple. Listen to me. Talk to me. Go out with me. I don't know if you can change."
He says, " I can say whatever. Judge by my actions."
And so, I decided to do that.
Fast forward to how I'm feeling today.
Yesterday, before I left, I asked TN if we could hang out. I'm sick of being at his house or around him and his friends and I really want that summer boyfriend feeling..y'know, walking around town; hand in hand, picnics and such. I mention us having a picnic. He's indifferent to that idea. I pry to see when exactly he'll be free. I know he has an event on Friday. Saturday, he says he's working. Then, he says.. "Call me. I'll make myself available."
So, later in the day, I called at 3:30pm, 9:30pm and at 1am. None of those calls were returned. Today, I realized he hadn't called me all day. I called him at 1pm and I left a message.
"You say you don't know how to keep me. Its real simple. Pick up the phone when I call. If you miss my call, return it. If you can't, a text will do. Call me back."
At 2:30, he calls back. The phone rings twice. He hangs up.
I call him right back. He doesn't pick up.
It's after 6, he hasn't called me back. I'm guessing he didn't mean to call me. At this point, I'm really sick of the roller coaster ride. I'm tired of games. I don't do drama. I'm going to do me. Whatever that means, I'm not sure but I can't concern myself with someone who is not concerned with me on some Basic Relationship Skills 101 type shit. Not when we just talked about it 3 days earlier.
There's not one aspect of my life I'm happy with right now. Work, love, body, family...all of it is bugged out. I don't know what I'm going to do. Something has to happen and quick. As for this situation...no tears, no dramatic farewells...I'm not even going to be mean or bitchy to him. It is what it is and what it will be.
I have to work my way back to happy again.