Wednesday, January 16, 2008


I've been feeling a little blue.

I've worked ever since I was 13 years old. I worked 13 hour days doing
data entry for a company that was having a huge PR event and needed to
catalog every person along with their address and phone number. It was
the best. I had my own money and I had something to do all day. I got my
first bank account and first learned how to squander away money. I
remember the first thing I bought was a Coach belt. I walked through the
World Trade Center every morning and looked at all the shops beckoning
me to spend my cash.

That summer marked the rest of my life. My parents no longer provided
anything more than the necessities. Shelter, a home-cooked meal, a
winter coat, winter boots, etc.

My job has drastically cut my hours and I've found myself at home more
than I am at work and that scares me. I have rent to pay and various
other bills. A person that doesn't work doesn't eat. I don't know what
to do.

I've updated my resume but it seems every industry is slow during this
time. I tried to get comfort from my mom. She has none. (Like she ever
does.) I'm trying not to get down....but I can't help it. This pay
period's check goes toward my birthday. It looks like I will only have
money for rent, lights, phone, and maybe cable...which hair
or new shoes...which I was hoping for. Last year's birthday sucked ass.
I really wanted to bring in the big 2-2 with a bang. My friends said I
wouldn't have to worry about anything, but they have their own shit.


I actually broke down and cried this afternoon. Apparently, I'd been
getting free gas. Right before Christmas, there was a leak in front of
my building and when Keyspan came out and fixed the leak, they shut down
my gas. I called them to re-light my pilot in my stove and the lady gave
me an all day appointment. When I called back to reschedule, I was told
I didn't have an active account. I told them that my landlord pays for
the gas. They told me that there is no gas in my apartment and that the
landlord may control the heat, but the stove, I would have to turn on in
my name.

I cried out of frustration of being lied to. I cried out of frustration
of having yet ANOTHER bill. I just felt so defeated and the weight of
the world was weighing down so heavily on my shoulders.

(This is just a rant. I don't really want comments on this post.)
Stay Fab!

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