Thursday, June 25, 2009

Finding Balance & A SoulMate...lol

I've been struggling a lot lately..quiet as its kept.

I'm trying to find balance. I've been trying to compartmentalize my life and say this is when I work, this is when I go out and let my hair down, this is when I work on my projects...needless to say it doesn't work. I've refrained from blogging because I'm not sure you guys want to read the verbal atrocity of someone sinking...

Sinking is a little melodromatic but, humor me.

And I'm thinking about the sermon on Sunday: The 11 Commandments of Dating. Commandment 1 was Get a Life.
I have been pondering whether or not I have one for the entire week. Am I interesting? Would I want to date me? Of course, everyone's knee jerk reaction to that question is of course...I'm cute, I've got the tightest buns you've ever seen...but am I interesting? Do you want to talk to me?

Relationships are so much more than looking into someone's eyes and all that mushy stuff.

I'm not sure of the answer.

Am I too driven?
This week, Gi has been wearing.me.out. She has been texting me constantly, face-booking, e-mailing. I know, that's a friend.

And it is....but ya know...sometimes, I need my space. I get in a mood from time to time that makes me shut down. Getting 10 texts a day trying to have a conversation annoys me.

Well, why am I annoyed? Its getting down to the wire with the party. Things that I've ordered haven't come in the mail. I'm a worrier. This weekend is going to be bananas. Today, I have a networking event. Tomorrow, another networking event...but that's like a club type thing...Saturday morning, I have women's group at church. Saturday afternoon, I'm judging a competition related to gay pride. That night, there's a fashion show my friend designed for and I have to go...also related to gay pride. Also, my 3 nieces are coming into town on Saturday. Sunday, my church. Sunday afternoon, my mom is preaching and wants me to go. I'm jam-packed with STUFF I need to do. I'm stressed, too.

When I'm stressed, I don't talk about it...talking about it adds to the stress because it makes me think about it more.

Plus, girls tend to talk too much anyway..lol

I said all of that to ask...do I have tunnel-vision to the point where I will be single for a while?

I'm not sure..but I have a crush on a blogger. He's in Nashville. Isn't that just like me? To like someone who is so unattainable? We talk on bbm but nothing like...hey baby, come over. lol...and I'm not sure if he even likes me and I think its weird to break out the old...do you like me? check a box when we don't know each other. I feel like he likes talking to me. At times, I feel like he's all casual. I've put it out there...(in the most immature - err grandiose- way) so I guess, we'll see. I realized I don't even know how to get to know people anymore. What do we talk about? I'm starting to feel like I'm all lip gloss and lashes. BUT I'M NOT! I have opinions and ideas...I'm just lost at how to show him that I'm the ish...

*le sigh*

2 comments:

Kenya said...

In reference to your friend- dont you hate that...you should watch the video thats posted on my blog right now...

reading.writing.stumbling over life said...

Been lurking for a while and thought I'd comment.
I also have a bunch of friends that always seem to need advice and i end up having to turn off my phone.

I also have a husband in my head that I met through the online community.