Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Tuesday at 8 AM

BFF called me last night, her heart in turmoil. Would she or wouldn't she? She wasn't sure. I didn't want to make the decision for her or for her to make the wrong one.

The writing was on the wall.

A mistake is only a mistake if you make it once. It was a mistake for her to love him. It was wrong for her to continue to sleep with him after she knew he had a woman at home. He would never be hers.

I don't borrow money. I hate to give it back. I don't understand how anyone could borrow a man.

She said he couldn't go inside with her. He's a cop and he had his gun and knife on him.

Who the EFF brings a gun and a knife to an abortion clinic?

She was there, waiting alone for a bit. I was nervous. Not sure if she would change her mind. Not sure if he would change it for her. Not sure if she were scared, sad...she said there were so many women there. Waiting. I think she felt some comfort in that.

She text me.
Everything is fine. I'm a bit loopy.

I came to her house as quickly as I could.

"He's here," she said as she met me at the door.

He greeted me. "Don't speak to me," I said...the disgust dripping from each word.

The rage built up inside of me and I wanted to pummel him with my fists. I wanted to say the things I knew she never would.

It wasn't my place.

I watched her with him. How she smiled at him. How she batted her eyes. She laughed at his jokes.

She still loves him. She will stay with him. Probably.

I wanted to slap her. Slap sense into her. Slap esteem. Slap outrage. Slap the knowledge that she could walk away. She doesn't have to settle. Still, they talked about nothing. Talked about ....nothing.

And so, I got up. He avoided my eyes. I did her dishes. I straightened up her kitchen. I gave her the tightest hug I could muster. I felt her ribs poking me.

"I love you more than anything else," I said.

"Don't you forget it," she responded.

I promised her ice cream after work.

"You have no money. I know. I can tell," she said.

"Butter pecan and vanilla. I'll see you soon." All I can offer her is ice cream, a shoulder, an ear. All I can be is a friend.

Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


Trish said...

She's blessed to have that friend in you. She will have to realize own her own how bad he is for her.

Young woman on a journey said...

you are a good friend. and she should love you more for telling him not to speak to you. who ever knows why we can't walk away from unfavorable situations? some situations are just worse than others.