I don't remember a time when I thought...yes, this is love. This is a relationship. This is the one. Sad.
I read Chris' blog thinking...oh, that's what it feels like?
In most relationships, I've felt as if I were doing all the heavy lifting.
My shoulders are heavy and I wasn't sure if men were capable of being sensitive, compassionate, warm, and as in love as a woman could be.
The men whose blogs I read always prove me wrong.
Yet, Aussie and I struggle and its because of me. I'm struggling. I'm giving and warm. I give too much. That seems to be a common problem with us women, it seems.
I'm usually calm. Nothing really ruffles my feathers. But, this does. He does. I've let him in undeserved.
And its no one else's fault but my own. And now, WE must work on our problems.
The problem is communication. He has in his mind that he shouldn't have to check in with me. He doesn't have to disclose anything about his whereabouts but I am supposed to tell him everything.
I'm a very busy person. I have 2 blogs, a demanding job (for now), an organization that I sit on the Executive Board, and somehow I fit in writing my first book of short stories in, as well as, very involved friendships. I'm there for my friends hands-on like I'm their lovers/therapists and such.
With all of that, I still have time for him and myself.
I text him constantly. I call him consistently. Yet, he has no time. No initiative to figure out when we'll hang.
This sounding like 3 months ago?
Its only been a week. I don't want to throw in the towel.
So, now I'm calculating - what can I get from him?
Sex. That's all I would take. That's all he has going for him. Hmmm
I refuse to be sad or stressed. I can't do it to myself anymore.
I'll give it a month. I'll repeat myself and then I'll make it clear - once I leave him again, there is no coming back.
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