Saturday, January 3, 2009

I'm Focused, Mayun!

Jan 1. 9pmfound me typing away at my computer a plan - a list of all the things I want to accomplish.

And it's a laundry list:
Get published
Start freelancing
Get my license
Save money
Start repairing my credit

I've budgeted for the next 2 months. I'm so excited! And happy that I'm setting myself up to be happier in the future. Yes, I will live off of $50 per week for the next 11 months, but I will save $2400 by the end of the year. AND will have cable (yay!)

And while I was trying to focus on that, dudes that I started talking to on (I deleted my POF profile) were texting me and calling.

Check this -
I text - hi. I'm working on a project. Just wanted to say hello. Can't talk but save my number
dude1 texts - hi. What did you like about myprofile?

Whoa. That was the moment I lost interest. But, I thought, "Hey. Give it the benefit of the doubt.."

He also texts - "which pic of me was ur fave?" - "how was the party last night did you get wasted?"

Weird shit.

He's a little pushy, too. I told him 2x that I wasn't engaging because I was focused on this other project. He went on to say some story he heard on the news. Then to say, "Do you want to call me back later bc I'm doing all the work"

Booo! He's a fuckin lame.

Dude#2 is so sweet and seems cool.

But, as I was texting dudes back and forth, I realized that maybe I shouldn't deal with dudes at all. Not right now. My mind is on my goals and I'm pretty sure factoring another person into this equation is not feasible.,I must devise a plan to let these dudes down gently. Aussie took so much energy out of me and it still was not enough. I can't imagine doing that again, right now. The texting, the phone calls, geez!

As I'm typing this..Blair calls.

I know what he wants and I know I'm probably the last girl on his list.

I let 10 mins go by.

Text: u called?
B: yes, call me

He picks up, sounding groggy.
"Hey, I was thinking about you. I want to see you."

"At a friend's house and its too cold to go over there."

"Oh. Well, Happy New Year. Hope I can see you soon."

Must be a frickin record!

I DO need to get laid. What's a girl to do?

I'm not going to call him. He's ok. Aussie's better.

I was lost. I'm not found yet, but I am walking into the light a little. I'm getting my footing again. My mindset is different. I'm self-centered. Not in the tunnel-vision sort of way. In, first way. If it inconveniences me. Then, no.

I will only go the extra mile if you've proven to have done that for me in the past. If you're new and I present that, "hey, this is difficult for me" and you don't want to compromise...fuck you.

I'm so serious, now.
Life is no joke and its passing me by and if I'm going to make things happen for me, the time is now.

I'm just sick of folks using me. I'm sick of putting in 100% and getting back 45.

I'm sick of toxic people.

I'm done.

Thank you for respecting me enough to allow me get myself together mentally and emotionally. I appreciate the positive vibrations, prayers, and most of all, friendship.

Bubbly Nina is still here. Somewhere. Lol.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile


Anonymous said...

Beautiful post Sis. The New Year is the perfect time to renew and re-create. It sounds like things are coming together for you :-)

Happy New Year!

Chris said...

Honestly, if you keep at your goals, any dude worth your time will come along and respect that. They may even help you reach your if a cat with sense comes your way, don't push him away because you are focused...but don't go out trying to find anyone either...I mean, I know this is just my opinion...but it did work for me. I have less than half the debt I had last year, and now I'm engaged...give it a chance.

Liz said...

sending oodles of positive energy your way sweetie!

Anonymous said...

i actually adore all your writing type, very helpful,
don't quit as well as keep writing for the reason that it just simply that is worth to read it,
impatient to find out much of your own web content, have a good one :)