Sunday, June 24, 2007


That should've been my first name instead of what my parents stuck me
That has been what my entire life has been about. I sacrifice myself for
everything:friends, work, family, and I'm so fed up with the bullshit.

I'm still upset that Afroman can find the means to travel all the way up
to Buffalo to see his ex, stay with her for what? 2 weeks...I believe,
but can't find a way to take a train from one side of Brooklyn to the
other. It still hurts because of everything that I did for him when we
were together and I guess it speaks volumes as to my place in his life.
Even if she paid for everything, he still had to get a train to and from
his house.

I had a long conversation with the ex-lover of former Best Gay Friend
(who owes me $800 in phone bills) and told him that me and FBGF aren't
really on the mend. I also told him that I don't consider us to be good
friends anymore. He asked if I spoke to him about how I felt. I said
that I tried to, however, he was never really available. He said that
was bullshit. I have the right to pull hum by the collar and demand him
to talk. We've been through too much and that we'd always be considered
as good friends. Friends like these don't come by often.

Well, ya know, he's right. But shouldn't FBGF know this and try to hang
on to me? We'll see.....

Stepmother calls me yesterday saying that she wants her computer chair
and her computer desk back.
Mind you, I've had the shit since Tueday. If something is so important
to you, you must have it right away, you don't notice until a whole
4days important was it, really?
Its not really about her wanting it back, its mainly about her yelling
about it.
Here's how the conversation went:

*ring ring*
Me: hello?
Her: rar rar rar computer chair rar rar rar desk rar rar rar better
bring it back rar rar rar how dare u rar rar rar now rar rar rar
Me: stares blankly at phone
Her: rar rar rar I didn't say you could have it rar rar rar
Me: yes, you did or I wouldn't have gone through the trouble of lugging
it upstairs
Her: rar rar rar rar rar rar rar
Me: I gotta go...I'm at work.
Her: rar rar rar rar
*I hang up*

This morning. 6am.
Her: *little less rar more like ra* Bring my computer desk and chair
Me: I wouldn't have taken it if you didn't say I could have it.
Her: I didn't say you could have it. I can't give you everything.
Me: I gotta get ready for work.
Her: ra ra *click*

Let's talk about her giving me *everything*

Little history lesson: I've worked since I was 13, because I couldn't
get everything from her.
I've never asked her for money for anything unless I couldn't do it
myself and its been on those raaare occassions that she hasn't screamed
before she gave.
I haven't been in school in 3 years, because I have a huge bill to pay
off and I needed help with it. You think she would've helped me already
to pay it off? No!

In this instance, you want to talk about her giving me
everything....lets talk about that...
She SAID she would give me her bedroom set and she would sleep in the
guest bedroom. Its been 10 days since I moved in...and I'm still
sleeping on an air mattress.
She SAID she would give me a towel set. Haven't seen it yet.
She SAID she would buy me groceries. Haven't seen those yet.
So, in all reality, what the fuck has she given me?
Did she help me move out? No. Did she help me move in? No. She didn't
move a box, a bag...nothing!

I haven't decided if I'm going to lay down like a punk or if I'm going
to do what my first mind says and tell her....if she wants her desk and
chair to come and get it herself. I'm exhausted. I've given so much of

I still dream of a life more different from the one I own. How will I
acheive this? *wheels start turning*

Next post: on how I sacrifice for my job..oh boy!

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