Thursday, December 11, 2008

Funhouse

I'm so confused.
I'm not sure if it is fear or realism. My thoughts have been to abort my relationship with Aussie. I don't want to be spoiled or if I'm just plain stupid, but that argument last week left me REELING.

I realized some things and I have to ask myself if these things make me comfortable or not.

1. He has to have things happen on his time frame or when it is convenient for him. If things are not on his time, he says its not a problem but he will cop a 'tude.
- I've been telling him that I want sex. He can easily come over after he gets off of work. He doesn't because he's tired. BUT, he wants me to come over to his job....At first, it seemed kind of sexy. Like, oooh let's sneak and do it. But now, it seems kind of pathetic. Like, I have to go to you. Once again, I have to go out of my way for him. And why do I want to do that when I have a nice cozy apartment and I have a nice bed? I constantly go out of my way for dude. I keep replaying when he said, I want him to break his back to see me. If I'm busy, I don't have time for the little people like him. Hunh?

2. The communication is just not there.
- I think we might've had 2 deep conversations outside of the this is me, my job, my family/living situation. I think some of the way he comes at things is very immature and illogical. Sometimes, I feel that he is not on my level mentally. And I hate to say that. We used to text all day, but now I'm making more of an effort. I text him, he doesn't answer for hours. I call him. He doesn't pick up. Often, he doesn't call me back. This is going to seem VERY petty, but I don't care.
But, tomorrow, Sunday (he works on Sundays), and Monday, I'm not going to text or call, just to see how long it will take him to contact me. I said these 3 days because tomorrow he works 7:30a-7:30p and he's desperate for entertainment. Today, I text(ed) him 9:45a. He hit me back at 11:15a. I responded. He hit me back at 2:30p. I responded. He hit me back at 6p. Wtf?
Addendum: I feel like flipping out now...why the fuck is he not picking up the phone?
I'm not the type of girl that gets mad at much....except when I can't reach you. ALL FUCKING DAY...especially when it was the polar opposite.

3. Money Matters
After the Afroman situation with me paying for everything. I want a man that can stand on his own. With Aussie, I won't have to pay for him because we wo do shit.
- Remember date night 2 weeks ago that got cancelled because he got "food poisoning" and then he told me that his phone was going to be over because he didn't have money. My gut tells me that he didn't really have food poisoning. He just didn't have money.
And I feel like his situation could be avoided if he just got a better job. I know the economy is tough, but he's not trying. Lack of ambition is not sexy.

I have more, I'm sure. I'm sick of bitching, but...I will add it because this is helping me to think about the situation clearly.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

5 comments:

miss halimah. said...

side eye @ "I keep replaying when he said, I want him to break his back to see me"

Ms.T. said...

THIS sucks. Relationship purgatory is such a itty place to be. I was in something like this a few months ago and realized that it would never work if I had to keep kowtowing to his wants and needs and yet my basic requests were going unmet.

Your fella may indeed be a decent man, it just may be that you need a different kind of man.

That comment he made about you wanting him to "break his back to see you..." is reckless and seems like an indicator of mucho selfishness. How much more of yourself are you expected to give, without seeing anything tangible?

Think with your head and not your heart. Good luck with your decesion.

P.S. tell him I said, hell yeah he should be breaking his back to see you. what are you - chop liver. Men slay me they do!

Ok, now I'm done.

Sistah Girl Luv!

Young woman on a journey said...

telling someone your concerns and having them met with no changes is the worst. Its enough to push someone to the breaking point.

He sounds selfish, but then again, most men are.

I guess what is needed here is for you to make a decision about what you can and cannot take. what you do and do not want. and what you are and are not ready to settle for!

neemie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
neemie said...

it's time to find a new man. things shouldn't be this f-ing complicated this quickly.

i learned this a while back...when someone really likes you, i mean really, come hell or high water they're going to see you. they will call, text, email, etc. you'll never be left hanging.

you deserve more than what you're getting. cut him loose.