Aussie and I were supposed to go on a date. He text me 10:30 this morning, telling me he didn't feel so well. I knew Date Night was cancelled and immediately fell into a foul mood.
Am I kidding myself about him? I've told myself he's so great and that we can build together, but I'm not so sure. Your comments on past posts are sinking in and now I can't differentiate my voice from yours.
I so desperately want to believe in the purity of Aussie's heart - that he's not trying to work me or use me. I want to believe in the power of love and to fight against being jaded.
I decided to create a make-up blog...links and pics to come on monday or as soon as I can get to a computer. I'm so excited and gripped with fear. What if? What if I'm not good enough and I'm sniffed out as an imposter. A makeup posseur...my gosh!
I'm insecure about everything. I don't know how to smack myself out of this.
To top it off, I'm fucking cold.
I'm so mad at Aussie. He has food poisoning. It was his turn to pick the date. He picked ice skating and we can't go. More so, I'm pissed that he can't come over and let me play nurse. I need some physical satisfaction, too. I've become rather addicted to him in that way, wanting it 3 or more times a week.
What's worse, I'm so bottled up in myself, I can't breathe (metaphorically speaking).
Just having a bad day....
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