Saturday, November 29, 2008

Whispers in the Dark

Aussie and I were supposed to go on a date. He text me 10:30 this morning, telling me he didn't feel so well. I knew Date Night was cancelled and immediately fell into a foul mood.

Am I kidding myself about him? I've told myself he's so great and that we can build together, but I'm not so sure. Your comments on past posts are sinking in and now I can't differentiate my voice from yours.

I so desperately want to believe in the purity of Aussie's heart - that he's not trying to work me or use me. I want to believe in the power of love and to fight against being jaded.

I decided to create a make-up blog...links and pics to come on monday or as soon as I can get to a computer. I'm so excited and gripped with fear. What if? What if I'm not good enough and I'm sniffed out as an imposter. A makeup gosh!

I'm insecure about everything. I don't know how to smack myself out of this.

To top it off, I'm fucking cold.

I'm so mad at Aussie. He has food poisoning. It was his turn to pick the date. He picked ice skating and we can't go. More so, I'm pissed that he can't come over and let me play nurse. I need some physical satisfaction, too. I've become rather addicted to him in that way, wanting it 3 or more times a week.

What's worse, I'm so bottled up in myself, I can't breathe (metaphorically speaking).

Just having a bad day....
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It's Amanda Yo! said...

Sorry you are having a bad day!

I'm excited about your makeup blog though! I'm sure it will be great.

We all have insecurities, try not to let them get to you.

Liz said...

listen... as far as the makeup blog, it will be fine... whoever doesn't like it don't have to look at it. eff the make up snobs!!

now as far as being disappointed about a cancelled date, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. at all. don't beat yourself up for being disappointed and don't make it out to be more than it is. him getting food poisoning and cancelling does not mean you are kidding yourself about him. i may be blinded by my own love story right now but i am with you in believing in love. now if a pattern develops then that is a whole other story but for now, take things at face value!

Monie said...

If you have done the makeup in the pics I have seen of have NO reason to be afraid! You are the shit, girl!