If love is an investment we make with our hearts as collateral and the return is our lifelong friend/lover, when things don't work out, we end up losing more than our shirts.
My love life has been as tumultuous as the roller coaster of Dow Jones. Up one minute and down the other.
I've placed stock in the Blairs, the Dames, the Kappa Guys, expecting gross dividends and ending up with lint.
(Enough of the stock market analogies)
I have been living in lala land. I have allowed Aussie to come in and sweep me off of my feet. So concerned with feeling as though I'm falling into the trap of being an angry black woman, I've forgotten to watch out for signs he is not who he say he is.
Gi said something to me today that had me thinking.
Yes, we have a connection.
Yes, I like him - but have I allowed us to move so fast out of fear there isn't anyone else out there?
Or have I allowed a friend to pull me down?
She has the right intentions, but...I'm not sure.
She told me to keep my guard up, get to know him better, be careful. Not bad things.
I see where she is coming from. She doesn't want me to be used. I have a tendency to pour myself into relationships, often giving 110% and getting maybe 50% back.
Today, the subject of Christmas gifts came up. He wants a coat that costs $135. I said, ok...I want shoes.
In my mind, I wanted to get him a PSP bundle that cost $199.
At first, I didn't think of it in ths light...now I'm asking myself - will my gift be comparable? If it's not, then what?
I know love is a gamble and a risk, but I do not want to be hurt again. I really don't think I have it in me to endure that.
I can't read Aussie. I can't tell what his angle is and I don't know if I could potentially hurt him by questioning his motives. Who knows if Gi's words will save or sink me? My eyes are open now.
If he's worth his weight in marbles, maybe he'll prove to be the man I want to believe he is.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile