Did I ever mention what he does for a living? Hmmm
Oh well. He's a security guard of an office/residential building.
I forgot the reason why he mentioned it or how we got on the subject, but basically licensed people make more money than guards who are not. Yet, he's not taking advantage of it and he doesn't want to go to another agency because he's comfortable where he is. Then he mentioned he was making $X dollars an hour.
If I were a cartoon....my hair wouldve shot up to the top of my head.
He's making half as much as me. HALF. Exactly. I was making more than him when I was 13.
We've talked a lot about his desire to move out of his grandmother's house. He's hinted at the fact that in a year, he could see himself living with me. There are several things he wants to do. I mean these may just be pillow plans. You know plans you make in the midst of puppy love or because you really like the person but aren't quite sure about it.
But, when I heard his salary and the fact that he banks 32 hours a week, I just don't see it.
He said that he has this job and the number of hours because he was going to school. He decided to take the semester off and isn't going back until the summer or as late as the fall.
Yes, that's the same thing I said 2 years ago.
I already told him in the midst of the pillow talk, if we move in together or even if he decides to move on his own, he needs to save religiously for 6 months to a year. I learned my lesson.
I told him, without knowing his salary, that if he's planning on moving in with me, he has to save for that amount of time. Especially, if he moves in with me and I would do the same. Why? Because I want a safety net if the economy refuses to turn around any time soon.
I think he understood but was under the impression he would just waltz in with a bag and set up shop. Ummmm, no.
(Plus, I didn't tell him, but I think I would want to do a joint account just for house bills to come out of...but that could be me just pillow planning, too)
Why do I feel this way? Because I'm accustomed to this lifestyle I've created for myself and I don't want to roll back to dorm-style living. It was cute - for a season. But, watching Judging Amy in the middle of the day is not the biz for me right now.
I'm trying to tell myself it's no big thing. We're ok. We're happy. The future is not even promised and so I should focus on today.
I just want to make sure that of we do get to the future, that it is healthy.
What do you guys think? Chris, Torrance, Mr. Socialight? What is the male perspective. I'm counting on the smart savvy ladies: Monie, Eb, Neemie, Jane, Liz, E, Young Woman...really....anybody I missed....
*Disclaimer: I may be making it out to be more than it is, however, I'm very Type-A (you should know this) and I NEEEEEEEEED to know certain things before I get into it. Why waste my time, if it's not going to work out in the end...
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9 comments:
here's my perspective on this. as great as Aussie sounds, it seems to me he's going to mooch off of you for awhile, if not forever. you need the safety net, keep a seperate account and have one joint. you have to hang on to what's rightfully yours. the other thing i dont get is the fact that he's currently taking a semester off of school and still making shitty money? what is he studying at school? shouldn't he try to get a job in that field at least to have some entry level prospects when he graduates? i had one boyfriend awhile ago whose homework i used to do so he didn't fail. i broke up with him because he was predictable and had no future. guess what? i was right. sure, he has a degree but he's not even working a decent job and he has a BCOM (prior to economic downfall)...he could've gotten a job. You don't need to sacrifice your happiness for someone who isn't willing to step up.
\begin rant
one month and he's already talking about moving in...red flag.
you should date someone who is at or above your level...or at least willing to put forth the effort to make it where you are.
in the past, i dated guys who made less money and they turned out to be colossal mooches. then there were the insecurity issues..."you don't need me" or "you think you're better than me."
blah, blah, blah.
i say, give him a couple of months to see if he's willing to put forth some effort. if not, move on.
you need an equal, not someone you have to take care of like a child.
/end rant
in short, enjoy the moment and keep it simple.
GUUURRRL, PUH-LEEEEESE!
Are you kidding me?
I know that you already know the answers to your questions. Where ever there is doubt that means NO.
Red flags appear for a reason and its our own intuition guiding us towards what we want and what is best for ourselves. Unfortunately too many of us neglect it or ignore it because we think with our hearts instead of relying on our minds.
I don't want to tell you what to do. Even though we haven't met (yet...hee hee) I can tell that you are of sound mind. DO YOU! Be independent, focus on building yourself up and keep up the good work. The people around you will mirror whats going on inside you. If it aint working find something that does work.
BTW, just for some future advice about finances: never have a joint account... unless you have children that you need to provide for and that should only be monies that both parties put together JUST for the necessities of the kids etc. You are an individual whether you are in love, married, single whatever it is. Your $$ is yours, your place, your everything. Just don't surrender what you have worked so hard for.
Ah, I could write forever. I'm sure you know the deal and will do the best for yourself!
Cheers!
P.V.S.P
GUUURRRL, PUH-LEEEEESE!
Are you kidding me?
I know that you already know the answers to your questions. Where ever there is doubt that means NO.
Red flags appear for a reason and its our own intuition guiding us towards what we want and what is best for ourselves. Unfortunately too many of us neglect it or ignore it because we think with our hearts instead of relying on our minds.
I don't want to tell you what to do. Even though we haven't met (yet...hee hee) I can tell that you are of sound mind. DO YOU! Be independent, focus on building yourself up and keep up the good work. The people around you will mirror whats going on inside you. If it aint working find something that does work.
BTW, just for some future advice about finances: never have a joint account... unless you have children that you need to provide for and that should only be monies that both parties put together JUST for the necessities of the kids etc. You are an individual whether you are in love, married, single whatever it is. Your $$ is yours, your place, your everything. Just don't surrender what you have worked so hard for.
Ah, I could write forever. I'm sure you know the deal and will do the best for yourself!
Cheers!
P.V.S.P
seriously girl. dude need to do better than that. he really thinks he was gonna just plant himself on the couch and just expect you to bring home the bread. my gosh
wait a minute, i totally skipped the fact that you've only been dating 1 month (must've not read previous posts). 1 month into a relationship and he's talking about moving in with you? unnacceptable, even if it was one of those love at first sight type of thing. when in doubt, dump.
Well, honestly...it's WAY too early talking about living with dude...and he needs to have a better job. I mean, if he's gonna make crappy money, he needs more hours. He needs to do the small stuff for you around the house NOW...even if it's just while he is there. Does he wash dishes? Will he clean? Does he cook? Do laundry? If he doesn't have enough money to go half with everything, then he needs to do stuff around your house. Otherwise, him saving is a good idea too...that will def slow a mooch down, if that was his intent.
Happy Turkey Day!
thanks guys for your colorful commentary. i appreciate your words and i'm going to let it ride. maybe i spoke prematurely..possibly, we won't make it past month 2. who knows???
You got some GOOD advice in here so I'm gonna keep reading...
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