Scabs

I was on F.aceB.ook looking at the lovely Monie's photography which is really cool and I saw Afroman (for those of you who don't know AM. We were together for a while. I liked him for 5 years before we got together. I loved him A LOT. We failed and we both have been carrying a torch for him ever since) had a new picture up. its really funny. He looked like Rick James. So, I decided to check out what other stuff he had on there. As I perused the page, I noticed he had a pic of him and his ex looking real cozy on there. Pics of her and he, notes from her.

Did I mention this is the chick we have had arguments over? And he lives with her? And I asked him last week if he was seeing anybody? And he said he was dating around or some shit?

My face got hot.

Its not that he's dating some girl. Its HER. And that he lied about it. And that I fucking called it and he told me I was wrong.

So, of course, I text him:

Me: R u back with L?
AM: U can say that? Where did that come from?
Me: I took a look at ur FB profile. For how long?
AM: A month or so
Me: And when I asked u last week abt ur love life, y didn't u tell me?
AM: Felt kinda uncomfortable
Me: Why?
AM: Not really sure. Just does
Me: Hmm. It seems kinda shady because I asked u directly. Like, you lied.
AM: I didn't give u a straight answer that's tru.
Me: That's bullshit
AM: What is
Me: U didn't give me a straight answer so u didn't lie? U feel uncomfortable but u don't know why? It just is...that's bullshit. U want to be friends but that's not respecting me as a friend. U don't know how awkward it was to tell u I like someone else? I mean really....but I did.
AM: I really didn't mean to disrespect you. It's strange for me to talk to u about stuff like that. We never had that type of relationship. I really do appreciate you being straight up with me. But if u choose not to inform me about people you are dating. I will take no offense

And then I thought about what I was going to say for a while....then I wrote:

Its funny..u said u used to text L abt me. Of course u don't care if I choose to disclose my relationship status with u or not because it means u don't have to. At the end of the day, it doesn't matter. I'm over it and you.

And, I felt like crying because I knew what I was saying was that I don't want to love him anymore. I'm finally just done. He can't be the person I think of when certain love songs come on. He can't be the person in the back of my mind that I remember for that type of love. It just makes no sense.

Of course I text Gi. She said something that made it all clear.

Its time for you to just move on. No use opening old wounds.

And I remembered something someone said about me about 2 years ago.

Two things about Ni:

1. She doesn't mince words and she can decapitate you with her tongue.

2. When she's ready to move on, it can be like you never existed.

And these things are true.

So. I will not pick at the scabs, I will simply let them heal. Hopefully, over time, you won't be able to differentiate between where the scar ended and my skin begins.
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