Sometimes, I'm the Asshole

Last night, I dreamt Aussie was on my couch with the tv on and I was sitting on his lap kissing him, him kissing me, and holding me.

I love the way he kisses me. He kisses my lips, then he hugs me close and then kisses my temple and hugs me again and kisses my cheek.

I swear. The entire dream was this way.

And I woke up with a warm and fuzzy feeling and a little afraid about having that level of dependency on him.

There were a barrage of different emotions and then it set in. I fucking miss him

And so, I picked a fight and pushed him away.

Then, I tried to fix the fight to no avail and he didn't come over.

I felt so dumb.

As a couple, we needed to connect today and I fucked it up. By the time i talked him into coming over, his stomach felt queasy and he ended our conversation saying, "Love muffin, you're so pretty. I'd hate to throw up on you."

All I can think of is his skin on my skin, his lips on mine, the way our bodies respond to each other - it is pure poetry.

I'm trying to keep my head about me while whistfully being carried in his arms. He is not perfect, but for the moment, he is mine.

These thoughts are driving me crazy. I need some sleep.
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