Gi and I had dinner last night. We talked about our lives. Her friend just got accepted into the Ph.D program at NYU. We discussed LP's life. I came clean about the Blair Situation. I pretty much made up my mind about it all and had the vague idea that...ummm...I fucked up.
I came home and called Afroman.
We talked, laughed, dissed each other.
I told him about LP's love life. (The dude she's talking to called her morbidly obese and says she's on the road to death and destruction about her weight. She has really low self-esteem. Yet, she's fucking him and while he told her he doesn't want to be a bad boyfriend that's why he hasn't made that step yet...she's still hanging in there hoping he will change his mind, even though she wants the picket-fence/house/kids/yadaya spiel)
What he said had my jaw on the friggin floor.
Here's a summary:
Girls are so freakin stupid. They just don't get it. If you want a guy to date you and get to know you and all that stuff..don't let dude smash. Once he hits it, its over. OVER! Because you let him fast forward to the good part. You can't go back and get to know someone after you have sex because all that other stuff is boring. If I have a daughter, I'm gonna tell her not to let no dudes smash...Girls think they're Cinderella and life is going to be all make-believe and shit. You're not a princess. Things don't work like that. There's no going back....
We were talking about that for a good 45 minutes.
It became clear, I messed up. I cheated myself because I didn't want what I thought I wanted.
I slept on what he said.
I woke up this morning. Feeling like mold. Yet, not in the depressed-woe is me- way but in the I need to focus on myself.
There are things I need to be doing with myself.
When I was 17, I was so thankful to have made it to that age (explanation of that later)..I had big dreams...I had aspirations for myself and I can't remember when the hell that all fell by the wayside.
It's time for a change.
No day like to day. No time like the present.