I just feel like listening to the YeahYeahYeahs scream in my ear for a while. I want to be wrapped up in my own world. I want to pull all my shit around me like a blanket and be nice, warm, and cushy in it. All of it.
I feel like I showed my cards. I gave him the good stuff. I gave him the best - the top shelf stuff and he didn't have to do anything but ask. And be all big and sexy and stuff.
When I like someone I don't remember what they look like. I didn't remember what Afroman looked like until recently and that's because I've stared at his picture, his face is emblazoned in my head.
I forgot what Blair looked like until I saw him in my office. There he was...clear as day. He looks just like my co-worker, Panama. Its uncanny.
I kept looking at him and getting shy. Then there were those flashbacks....
If there were any thoughts that we could have something, its *poof*
Or after talking to Genie, it is what he wants and you can't make someone do something that they don't want to do.
So now I have to take what I can get.I wish I could shuffle the cards and be dealt a new hand.
I'm still not mad I slept with him. It was great. He's comfortable. He makes me feel like something who needs inspection. He watches everything. Every expression. Every nuance. It makes you feel special.
I am slightly peturbed at myself for not figuring out what I wanted first. I want closeness. Intimacy. I want to hold hands and go to the movies and museums. I want fights about boring Saturday nights playing Scrabble.
The sex is great. I'll continue to sleep with him when I can until I can. I know eventually my heart will ache and I will want more.
Until then, I guess I will not mess with a good thing.