Shuffle

Geez...before I can even begin to bear my soul in this post...the little Chinese lady next to me is about to get whooped. She's been in my face from W 4th st to High St. Which is at least a glance too long. The man in front of me...his fly is down. He looks like Overton from Living Single..remember? Trick turned around to the side to stare in my face. How rude!?!

I just feel like listening to the YeahYeahYeahs scream in my ear for a while. I want to be wrapped up in my own world. I want to pull all my shit around me like a blanket and be nice, warm, and cushy in it. All of it.

I feel like I showed my cards. I gave him the good stuff. I gave him the best - the top shelf stuff and he didn't have to do anything but ask. And be all big and sexy and stuff.

When I like someone I don't remember what they look like. I didn't remember what Afroman looked like until recently and that's because I've stared at his picture, his face is emblazoned in my head.

I forgot what Blair looked like until I saw him in my office. There he was...clear as day. He looks just like my co-worker, Panama. Its uncanny.

I kept looking at him and getting shy. Then there were those flashbacks....

*sigh*

If there were any thoughts that we could have something, its *poof*

Or after talking to Genie, it is what he wants and you can't make someone do something that they don't want to do.

So now I have to take what I can get.I wish I could shuffle the cards and be dealt a new hand.

I'm still not mad I slept with him. It was great. He's comfortable. He makes me feel like something who needs inspection. He watches everything. Every expression. Every nuance. It makes you feel special.

I am slightly peturbed at myself for not figuring out what I wanted first. I want closeness. Intimacy. I want to hold hands and go to the movies and museums. I want fights about boring Saturday nights playing Scrabble.

The sex is great. I'll continue to sleep with him when I can until I can. I know eventually my heart will ache and I will want more.

Until then, I guess I will not mess with a good thing.