Wednesday, April 2, 2008

Whenever I Call

The rain tapped at the window like a hungry lover waiting to be let in.
Or like a dog locked out of the house, panting for attention. Maybe, I
just imagine you that way. The way these past few months have gone,
maybe, I imagine myself that way. Loneliness has become like Ms. PacMan
eating all the debris my heat sheds as it whittles away. I assume, it
will become empty space and later my body will follow and I will slip
away into.....nothingness.

And I close my eyes and imagine letting you in. I imagine you coming
home to me and spooning me in the glow of the moonlight. In the wake of
the insistent tapping of the rain.

I hate rainy nights.

It always finds me missing someone. Tonight, that someone is you.

And I think of all your replacements. All those who I've tried to fill
the void with and failed. I think of this someone new. This someone to
spend lonely nights with and it makes me miss you more.

I become so horny, sleep is out of the equation. I pray for it to come
some, so I may dream of you.
Half-wishing I could forget, I think of new prospects.

Spring is when I bloom.

The floor boards creak. The house is settling itself. And terror enters
my chest - too many episodes of CSI or Law and Order. And I clutch my
blanket to my chest wishing you were there with your arms of

And I know when she's scared, you are the one she calls. And I know you
are there to answer. My eyes adjust to the darkness, clutching my
sidekick close. My only weapon against the unknown night.

My breath catches in my throat. My heart beats faster. Until my fears

And I know, when I call, you are not there.

And I wish I could forget you. The taste of your lips, the feel of your
skin, and the fact that you were my best friend once upon a time. And, I
think of others who have tried to claim your prize. The prize I still
consider to be yours. You live in my heart. You are my living, breathing
thing. You are my love. The Fabio in my fantasy.

And I wish I could stop missing you. I wish I could forget that, when I
call, you are not there.

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