"I just got home. Let me shower and I'll call you when I'm out."
I breathed a sigh of relief.
I lotioned. I checked myspa.ce. I checked fac.ebo.ok. I decided to start
dozing off.
And in the most terrifying way, the phone jolted me from my sleep.
"Ayo Nina..." His voice assuaged the effects of my coronary.
I was there in 5 minutes flat.
We began with a massage. I found all his ticklish spots. We laughed and
joked and umm...handled business.
All I'm gonna say about that is..."froggy" separates the strong from the
weak. My knees were not up to it, for sure.
Anywho...I was ready to sleep. Yet, his brothers and sister were having
a heated discussion about something and someone was watching adult swim
cartoons with the sound up so high, I heard it through Blair's closed
door. I wanted to scream at them. I wanted to join the conversation.
But, I knew my place. I wanted to leave and go home, but is that in poor
taste? Hmmm....
The next morning, his alarm clock blared at 7am.
I kissed his back from the small of his back to the nape of his neck.
He groaned.
I licked his ear. Kissed his throat. Kissed his lips.
Nothing.
I stroked his chest. Traced my way down from his collarbone to below his
waist.
"Babe...I'm beat."
I pouted. I wanted something wake me up.
"Blair."
"Hmm.."
"Let me ask you something."
His interest was piqued.
"Nevermind," I said looking away from him.
"Speak your mind, Nina."
<<interjection>> I read in Cosmo that the majority of women think its
sexier when a guy calls them by their name, than by a petname. Anyone
can be sweetie, sugar, hun, babe...but there's only one "insert your
name here" at that given moment. I said that to say...he never calls me
anything but my name when we speak. In text messages, he says hun which
is cute. <<end>>
"I don't want to be your jump-off," I blurted out.
I sat upright, Indian-style. That's my empathetic yet
I'm-about-to-fuck-yo-shit-up pose. He looked at me like I slapped him.
"What? Where did this come from?"
"I just want to be clear where my boundaries are and are not. I don't
want to be the chick you only call at 1am."
"Well...this is how my life is. I'm working and I'm building my
foundation for my future wife and kids. I made a promise to my dad that
I would look after my brother and sister and make sure they go in the
right path. My free time, I spend with them. I don't have the time to be
a boyfriend to anyone. This is what comes with being with me. I don't
think you're a jump-off. I like you a lot. I'm not a phone person. So,
for me to call you is a lot. If I wanted you to just have sex with, that
would be the extent of the conversation if any."
I was the one who's turn it was to look slapped.
I had this vision of what I thought he was about or rather wat I wanted
him to want from me and it wasn't the case and he was telling me what it
was. He couldn't have said it any clearer.
"I understand. I don't want to make demands on you. I'm not trying to be
that added pressure."
My words held out in the air between us. I didn't want to look at him,
feeling foolish. Like a little girl with a naive dream.
"I don't want to sleep with anyone else," I blurted out. I mean if we're
going to go this far, why not lay my cards on the table?
"That's good," he smiled.
"I don't want you to sleep with other people." His smile faded and my
heart dropped.
"I mean, are you satisfied with me?"
"Sexually?
"Yes."
"Yes, I am."
"So...."
"Sometimes, I have sex with my ex girlfriend. She's known me since I was
15. She has a daughter with another bum nigga and her daughter calls me
dad. Sometimes we see each other and...ya know..."
[Slapped Face]
I thought of Afroman.
I understood where he was coming from. I would probably sleep with him
if/when he comes back to Brooklyn. If I weren't sleeping with Blair.
I guess my whole theory is if I'm completely fine with you, I don't need
to be under someone else. Some people don't agree.
I don't remember how we ended the conversation, but it ended on a
hopeful, positive note.
Later, I text him... "I think you poked a hole through something"
He laughed.
He told me he would be working overnights for the next two weeks. I was
sad but relieved. I have bags under my eyes and a competition coming up
next weekend.
I need the rest.
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