Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Forgiveness

I've had some interesting conversations today. It all stemmed from Sunday's sermon which was about healing from past relationships. It said that the main ingredient was forgiveness. It had me thinking about the past lovers. The one who cheated on me with a transsexual, the one who proposed twice for selfish reasons....it had me thinking about the ones I need to ask forgiveness from. The ones from whom I need to ask forgiveness.

(I may or may not send this)
To British Chris from Chicago:

It has been a little less than a year since I've heard your voice yet it resonates clearly in my mind. I've discarded many drafts of this letter yet this is the only one who has made its way into your inbox. I can circle the crux of what I need to say with flowery language but all I really need to say is -

I'm sorry.

When we "met," I was a lonely foolish girl with a vivid imagination and no backbone. I was entranced by your voice, seduced by your words, and in the end, intimidated by your intellect.

I'd built this vision of myself in your eyes...beautiful and real and was not sure that I in the flesh could deliver. I am deeply flawed and was not sure if I could handle the rejection of the Nina who text you to sleep could lull you to slumber in her arms.

I was wrong in how I handled things. It was not my finest hour. I showed my age - my immaturity.

In the end, I hope you are well. I've changed phones thrice since we've spoken last, but I've made sure to keep your number. I would love to call you.

Forgiveness is something I humbly beseech of you and if it is not granted, I understand.

I only wish for you the best.

Sincerely,

Nina.

Not sure if I'm going to tweak it. But ummm yea.

Maybe you guys should write letters to lovers you need forgiveness from.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

3 comments:

Kenya Says said...

Great post...I actually I have someone that I need to forgive- Ive been angry with them for about 10 years now and need to let it go- its been heavy on my heart- I need to go ahead and just right a letter but its tough! Not sure if you saw it but I put a vid and pic of my nose piercing on my blog.

Trish said...

I went to a seminar at my church about the same topic Saturday. She gave us this sheet with blocks on it called a "Resentment Wall" and on it we were to write the names of people we held resentment for in the boxes. It is so hard to let go of past hurt but once you do, you'll feel so much better about life overall.

Young woman on a journey said...

you already know my answer and subsequent question to this one. I try hard to forgive. but when i get in similar situations again, i flip out. and i wonder, if i completely forgive, does that require me to forget? and if i forget, to i risk losing the lesson learned and more importantly falling into the same pattern?

now asking for forgiveness is something that i certainly wish to do.