I've had some interesting conversations today. It all stemmed from Sunday's sermon which was about healing from past relationships. It said that the main ingredient was forgiveness. It had me thinking about the past lovers. The one who cheated on me with a transsexual, the one who proposed twice for selfish reasons....it had me thinking about the ones I need to ask forgiveness from. The ones from whom I need to ask forgiveness.
(I may or may not send this)
To British Chris from Chicago:
It has been a little less than a year since I've heard your voice yet it resonates clearly in my mind. I've discarded many drafts of this letter yet this is the only one who has made its way into your inbox. I can circle the crux of what I need to say with flowery language but all I really need to say is -
When we "met," I was a lonely foolish girl with a vivid imagination and no backbone. I was entranced by your voice, seduced by your words, and in the end, intimidated by your intellect.
I'd built this vision of myself in your eyes...beautiful and real and was not sure that I in the flesh could deliver. I am deeply flawed and was not sure if I could handle the rejection of the Nina who text you to sleep could lull you to slumber in her arms.
I was wrong in how I handled things. It was not my finest hour. I showed my age - my immaturity.
In the end, I hope you are well. I've changed phones thrice since we've spoken last, but I've made sure to keep your number. I would love to call you.
Forgiveness is something I humbly beseech of you and if it is not granted, I understand.
I only wish for you the best.
Not sure if I'm going to tweak it. But ummm yea.
Maybe you guys should write letters to lovers you need forgiveness from.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile