Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Mr. Intentional

so this dude has me THINKING..i love it..i really do...

I asked him about titles and how he feels about it.

He said he's not much for it. When you say "Ok you're my girlfriend. Things change. What was once so easy and free is not so much anymore. There are all these expectations...I will refer to you as my girl. We will have that understanding.."

I actually agreed with him but I said...

"Women want a title for 2 reasons - it all boils down to being validated: a) they go too far sexually and they want the title to validate that they're not a big slore (yes, slut whore). b)they want to validate the relationship in that you won't leave...not that it stops anyone but more of a guarantee."

He was like

"Well, I can't speak for every man..but I know my intentions from the beginning. Its up to the man to make a woman feel comfortable in her decison. Every man knows that sex changes the dynamics of the relationship but it doesn't change his intentions. He's like my intentions are the same from the jump..."

I was like...what are your intentions?

He was like...dang, I'm on the spot but yes.. I guess I opened that door. I can see you..if you're the person you claim to be...or I think you are...I can see us being together. If you will have me.


I was like...well..I've heard lovely things but I still have my guard up and I have to protect myself, so I will allow you to show me..

He was like...that's all I ask...

I don't even have to ask but...

What do you guys think about the whole title thing? Do you believe a man's intentions are what they are...from the beginning?? Or is it G? Am I cynical to not believe or am I being real?


Young woman on a journey said...

i would still watch my heart.

this made me swoon a bit.

but truth be told...

a man does know his intentions. whether he would really reveal them (if they were ill) is another question altogether. I tend to think not. so i look at these things as games.

plus the reason you want a label is not just so he respects you, but so that you respect you for not being a slore. i use that word too.

so despite what you both say, its better to take your time and judge for yourself his intentions rather than relying on what he says. either way, he could be lying or telling the truth, but at least you'll feel better knowing you didnt' fall for it from jump.

neemie said...

from my many, many dating experiences, i've found that anyone who has a hard time referring to you as his "girlfriend" after dating for more than a couple of months isn't that into you...unless neither of you are looking for something serious. then it's ok.

you shouldn't have to ask for validation. it should be inherent.

also, most people reveal their intentions at the onset. we just choose to ignore them and lie to ourselves about how we can change them later on.

i say, take your time and if it's meant to be it will happen. no point in rushing things.

just have fun :)

Jaded said...

Ok I'm soooo late on this but still want to comment. People who don't want titles are deluding themselves into thinking that things aren't as serious as they are. Titles are meant to hold people accountable for their actions, and define roles. When people say please I know what I am I don't need a title, it's so that they can say: Well, you aint my girl or, he's not my man so I can't be mad.
How funny would it be if the head of the company (who didn't hold CEO title) but acting like the CEO was like: eh, this sucks and since I'm not the CEO I'm outtie.

It's funny because me and a friend were just having this convo!