Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Short n Tall

I'm short

I'm short on height, on sleep, on patience, on inspiration to write, on attention span, on free time, on ME-time, on tolerance for people who are loud, on people who MUST speak loudly all day - really do I HAVE to hear your voice non stop for 7 hours? Don't you get a headache from talking all day? on the ability to just make conversation with random strangers in public (sorry BFF...but no!), on a sense of direction MOST times, on money (just thought I'd throw that one right on in...)

I'm tall in bravado. I'm shy as all hell but let me good my foot in the door good...oh, I won't be shy anymore! I'm for friends, yes even the harlot I talked about post before last. Love for new friends. I really believe God places people in your life for a reason. For family. Yes, my mama n 'em is crazy but they remind me I'm not alone. For the little engine inside of me that keeps chug-a-lugging along.

Things are HARD for me. But if I can make it to June! JUNE! I'm gonna name my first daughter, I can make it there...I will be ok, financially. I swear, I'm gonna have a party!

I'm tall in appreciation for the almighty dollar. In the doors it can open for you and in its limitations. How much it takes to make one and how easily it can slip through your fingers like sand.

I'm tall in hope and belief that things happen in due time. The right dude will come along. The right job will come along. The right words will come when they need to. The right circumstances will come. If I hold steadfast to my will and I make them happen, I believe it will.

I'm tall in generosity. If I have a dollar, you can get 50 cents...hell, the whole dollar if I get paid the next day, lol.

I'm tall in the refreshing and everlasting love from God and his renewing forgiveness. I have faith that if I try to reach out to Him, maybe He'll be the first man in my life to meet me half-way.

I'm tall in my belief that love is possible. It may not be the happily ever after version but it is attainable and sustainable.

I am tall in good intention.

I'm tall in compassion for the human condition.

I'm tall in curiosity and my quest for adventure.

I am trying to remember the person I used to be. I am trying to remember the me before the Mr. Phil's and the Afroman's and the Aussie's. I'm trying to remember the me before my father died. I'm trying to remember who I was and who I thought I could be before the little betrayals, the backstabbing, the condemnation, the jealousy, the anger, the resentment and bitterness.

I am trying to forgive.

I am trying to remember the color of the sky before the gray clouds cluttered my vision.

I am breathing fresh new air. Oh yes, I'm breathing deeply. I am rebuilding what they tried to destroy.

I am becoming whole again.

And it is terrifying. It is frustrating. It is daunting and exhausting.

But I am tall.

Today is exactly one month since my birthday. I didn't even realize it until like 2 seconds ago. Yes, God has a plan for me.

I am grateful.
Sent via BlackBerry from T-Mobile

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