Sunday, March 1, 2009

Casual Intimacies?

A friend (gay male friend) was saying how he has a male "friend" who acts so sensual with him. Massages, cuddling, everything but the big show. He also has 2 people he sleeps with and 2 prospects in the works..he's like that's what he's abt. No full-fledged relationships but casual intimate encounters where he can "have-up" or just relax and chill with people. If they have sex, they have sex...if they don't, they don't. He's like, Damn, it sounds so promiscuous..doesn't it?

I nodded yes but in my mind...
I was like shit! I wish straight boys did that. Sometimes, I miss spooning with Afroman. He was the best spooner. We would talk and cuddle all day. I remember I called out from work one day and we spent the whole day in bed - ordered a pizza, watched a movie, *ahem* (haha), play-fought, spooned, talked...it was the best day ever.

Lately, I've been so confused. I want to be in a relationship, but I don't. I want to sleep with people, but I don't. I want to be single, but I don't. I really want someone to excite me. Move something within me...its been such a long time where I haven't felt like a weirdo to the other sex. Since I could just be me and talk and not have to be a sexier/smarter/funnier version of myself....and it really doesn't have to be someone spectacular.

You don't have to have a cure for cancer in your back pocket or have built an orphanage for children in Africa.

Just be real. Be sweet. Be smart. Be talented in something. Be opinionated. Be goal-oriented. Be aggressive but know when to ease up. Be nerdy, like me :-). Be confident but humble. Be a hard worker. Be able to laugh. Be able to make me laugh. Be able to challenge me mentally. Be able to meet me half-way. Be decent.

Decency goes a long way.

I'm not trying to be promiscuous for many reasons but one of them (besides it gets kinda skeevy at some point) is that I don't have time. My life is complicated. Its crowded and I'm really just trying to section off pieces for myself.

Another weekend has passed. I did nothing of note except clean my living room and had dinner with Liz and Chris tonight. The latter, being totally awesome...yes, be jealous, lol. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for the 68 hour work week. I need to be independently wealthy like Vanessa Williams minus the herpes (right, Liz)...hahaha!!

Oh yea....my blackness was put into question....that's another post for another day....night folks!
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4 comments:

Liz said...

dinner was fun! I might still be tipsy,.. ha! j/k. you will find someone that does all those things for you... the trick is not to settle and not to compromise what you want just to be with someone.

Chris said...

Never...never EVER EVER settle...for real. I almost did, and my life would've sucked big time if I did...DON'T DO IT!!! The real one is out there waiting...the only reason you aren't together now is because he isn't ready for you yet...if you get him too quickly, the relationship won't work...he won't be ready for you mentally, emotionally, and spiritually...trust me...I mean, I was reading Liz's blog for like, five or six years before we even met...that's just the way it is sometimes.

thismayconcernyou.com said...

we all need to be independently wealthy like Vanessa sans the herp ... that was a great line. lol.

Trish said...

I agree with the others about settling. I have done it a couple times just to not be alone and it was nothing of substance. I have been spending quite a bit of time alone lately but I'd rather that than waste my time with someone I have no interest in.