The Date I Couldn't Break

I went to church today for the first time in 3 years.

The notion of going was really ummm...scary?


Not sure if that was the right word. But...

I woke up and looked at the clock...8am. Eh...I could sleep a little more. I woke up again it said 9:39am.
At the same time, someone called me. I looked at my phone. 10:39am?

What!?!

Service starts at 11am.

I turned on the radio - what us cable-less folks do.

Politics...politics..blah blah...

I only listen to WCBS- AM. Let me get up and shower just in case. I get back...politics....blah blah It's Daylight Savings Time, everybody...wha???!????

Its 11am..I'm rushing around the house. I dash. I really like the praise and worship part of church. That's my favorite part.

I get there just as the preacher stepped to the pulpit to deliver the message.

Let me say this...this church was affiliated with the one I left a while ago. They believe in express service. There's a 9am and 11am service. If you go to the 11am service, you're out by 1. At 11:40, he was preaching...so...there ya go.
Anywhosies...the message was about confrontation. It came from Matthew 18:15-17.

(Here are my notes from the service)
Everyone loses if you win the argument but you lose the relationship.

Don't air your issues with people who have nothing to do with it.

Our attitude must remain in a spirit of caring.

Sometimes you need a referee...
1. Must be spiritually mature - must understand what God says
2. Must be prayerful and not gossipers
3. Must be able to correct you and you listen

This doctrine is the basis of church discipline. Discipline is aligning someone in the way they should go not grabbing them and slamming them...

Anytime you have 1 member the church is imperfect. There will always be issues if you have people because people are imperfect.

We need to learn how to disagree without being disagreeable

Today I decide to stop chasing skinny rabbits. Stuff that doesn't matter I'm leaving alone.

When presenting your facts about a disagreement...use
SBI
Situation - leave out your feelings.
- I walked in the room
Behavior - this is the behavior I
saw.
- this is what I observed
Don't judge their motives
I don't have the ability to judge motives.
Impact - not that it had on you but on me
-no accusing,

So...its the end of the message and he calls those who are unsaved to the altar. Then he calls those who have backslidden. Then he calls those who have left and are finding their way back to God. He says that he knows that there are those who have been hurt by church and church people but God is calling you today. He's calling you because He loves you. You've walked away from God but he's right here waiting for you.

And I just felt compelled to go to the altar. I took 2 steps and was bawling...I was crying so hard, he was asking me questions I couldn't speak. My throat was hurting. It was crazy. I'm not an emotional person to be crying in public.

He was like. I know you. I said, yes, you know my mother, Min. XX XXXX from CIF Church. He was like "Praise God...the last time I saw you you were off to college and now you've come back full circle." He hugged me so tight and I was crying even harder.

He prayed for me and I just wanted to fall into a little ball.

Then some minister lady took me into a room, had me fill out a form, read some scripture with me and prayed with me.

I went back to the main church and I saw some familiar faces.

This chick Shina...omg...she was such a nasty person. I worked with her until she got fired. She was like..Oh I was praying for you. I was like..Heffa don't lie, in my head. I was like..oh thanks...good to see you. Gotta go! I ran into my cousin. He was really the only one I was genuinely happy to see. His mom was there. She was like, "Why didn't you tell me you were coming?" I was looking at her like....I haven't spoken to you in 6 years! I ran into this guy Mike. I used to babysit his kids. He taught me how to drive. His son is just as tall as me now. It was weird. My cousin introduced me to his lady friend. She's so cute. They say she's met me before. Mike was like...you probably knew her as a kid. She's so adultish now. Lol

Then, I ran into this girl. She was the closest thing to a big sister I've ever had. I loved her so fiercely. I'm not sure what happened but we just parted ways.
Everyone was looking at me. Mainly, because I know I've changed. Not just in appearance, my whole demeanor is different. I'm a lot stronger than the kid they knew.

They had a lot of questions. I didn't want to answer them so, I was like...good seeing you guys. Gotta go! I don't want people in my business like that.

That's my new thing until I can wrap my head around what's going on...no close personal relationships with co workers or at church. It gets to be too much. I don't want to get entangled in politics. I've just been gossiped about too much. It kills your spirit. That's why I've been blogging a lot more. All that alone time makes you think.

I go to work. I speak to everyone. I do my work. I go to lunch alone. I come back. I finish my day. I go to my 2nd job.

I want the same thing. I go to church. I get the word. I speak. I go home.

Of course..its not going to be that way because people have questions. People have curiosities. I just want to take baby steps.

The girl who prayed for me asked me if I wanted an accountability partner. Someone in church who can help you stay on track when you feel your faith wavering.

I politely declined.


The only person I can be accountable to right now is God.

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